How Low can Reality TV go?

Living With Lucy, is RTE's latest attempt at taking License payers money and flushing it right down the drain...

This week the Talent Vacuum that is Lucy Kennedy is living with, we are told by the trailer for the programme, The 'Sensational' Jade Goody... That's right, RTE are paying someone to write that and to say that word.

We already have on our screens a programme where 'Celebrities' are given the task of managing a GAA team against other 'Celebrity' managed GAA teams... This idea came from a journalist called Fiona Looney and she is sooooo proud of this idea she seems to be all over the programme telling us about it...

Well I'm sorry I do not believe that coming up with an idea for a reality TV show is that impressive... Take this for example. Celebrity Dog Salon, A 'Celebrity' has to go on a training Course on Dog Hairdressing, on completion of this, they have to go to the Dog Pound, find the most dishevelled dog that they can and transform it into a wonderful example of a Groomed Dog, competing against other Celebrity Dog Groomers... There that idea took me at least ten seconds to come up with...

Still not convinced? OK well I'll put a bit more work into the next attempt and I'll even put it into rhyme for you...

How Low Can Reality TV Go?

Hello, everyone my name is Jim
I'm your presenter here today,
For this Brand New TV Show
And I'd just like to say,
It's a pleasure meeting all of you
And I do hope it's not fleeting,
We hope you all will stick around
And watch Celebrity AA meeting.

That's right 6 Alcoholics,
Who are Celebrities as well,
Would like for you to vote for them
So they can win a rehab spell.
They're going to explain there reasons
Why they're drunker than the rest,
And you'll phone a specific number
To vote for who deserves it best.
So without further ado
Put your hands together please
As now I will be taking you
To meet the celebrities.

<1st Celebrity>
Hi, I am a Footballer
Who has gone off his game
So please send me to rehab
As The Bottle is to blame.

<2nd Celebrity>
Hi, I told the press about
My affair with a footballing star.
I started to drink so I could get press,
So get me more and away from the Bar.

<3rd Celebrity>

Hi, I'm a pop-star who had a number one
Around 9 years ago or 10.
So please send me to rehab.
So it can be released again.

<4th Celebrity>
Hi, I'm a celebrity
From another reality show.
And I want to go to re-hab
As it seems like a cool place to go.

<5th Celebrity>
Hi, I am best mates with
A guy from a wicked Boyband.
He became a drunk, So I did too,
As I have to follow him you understand.

<6th Celebrity>
Hi, My dad was famous
That's what I have to Claim
I've got nothing else to do but drink
And live off my old man's fame.

So that's it you've heard it now.
6 Celebrities, 6 reasons to get clean.
We'll go over all their reasons again
And again from now and between
The end of the show. But remember
If you have a favourite that you want to rehabilitate
Phone us before the lines close
As we'll make no money if you phone too late.

So RTE, like my ideas?

A Sunday Cartoon

Again...

Poetry Now Festival

Had an exceptionally wonderful Poetry Now Festival, if anyone is interested, even if you aren't it was still a success. A very different experience to other festivals I've done. I was on a bill, it was in a theatre, I was required to attend a sound-check ½ an hour before my performance.

Myself and George Szirtes read to around 300 extremely well-behaved 8-11 year olds who asked questions and were exceptionally enthusiastic… Overall it was fantastic seeing so many Children into poetry and enjoying the experience… Comments were made on this subject by the many festival organisers and the whole programme, lasting weeks, was put together by Children's Author Lucinda Jacob, who did a wonderful job… My poems about football went down really well, although not the fact that I support Tottenham Hotspur...

On the first night we got there, we joined all the other poets and the various organisers, judges etc, for a wonderful pre-arranged dinner, talking with poets and thinkers, I felt quite out of place, but the food was nice. Then we attended Ruth Padel giving the keynote address regarding the importance of the tussle between thought and sound that is the heart of a poem.

My reading was the following day in the morning, and afterwards I was feeling exceptionally good, that not even certain attitudes of some panel members in the live debate, 'Who reads Poetry Anyway' could depress me. There were some unfortunate attitudes about young people not being important in the future of Poetry amongst other things…

We had our second poetic ensemble meal at the GastroPub on Friday afternoon… It was a very pleasant experience apart from the fact that Cork born poet Bernard O'Donoghue kept pinching my wife's chips…

The Festival ended for me by seeing Seamus Heaney and CD Wright read, Smoking a Cigar and chatting to various people in the bar, Sleeping, eating breakfast and then leaving the hotel and cursing the fact that we weren't staying for the Saturday and Sunday to see more readings/events.

The festival was a wonderful experience where myself and my wife met many wonderful people and was topped off with a wonderful reading to the Children…

Of course the Panel aren't the only people to be dismissive of poetry for Young people, The Irish Times, who are associated with the event, had an article on Thursday about the festival without any mention of the Children's reading. Maybe the Journalist, Fiona McCann, felt poetry for Children, especially comic/nonsense verse, was beneath her to mention… Who knows?

A Sunday Cartoon

Whew... That was close