Having enjoyed the process of putting his Nonsense Poetry on Kindle with his last book, Paul decided to put his collection of Christmas Verse on Kindle to for some Festive Jocularity... The Kindle E-Book is Available here for Co.Uk and here For .Com.
Christmas Can Be Crazy, but is it as crazy as the Poems in this Collection of Christmas Verse?
Jokes inside of Christmas Crackers are possibly the funniest things on the planet, but are they as funny as the poetry in this volume?
Well it is for you to decide. By reading, Mistletoe and Root Beer, a collection of zany Christmas Rhymes written by Paul H. Tubb, you will be able to answer the questions posed above.
The poetry is on subjects as diverse as, an odd choice of casting for a nativity play, A Priest who does not look forward to the Christmas season, A young girl worried about Santa's Thoroughness and many other festive situations.
P.S. Although Paul loves puns, he is far to gracious to incorporate the pun, 'Kris Kindle' when referring to this Christmas based E-book.
Here are some examples of the pictures provided inside the book.
Illustration from the poem, The Year Santa Forgot the Toys
Illustration from the poem, Worrying Christmas Lyrics
Illustration from the poem, Mr Montague as Jesus
Here is me reading a poem from this Collection: Worrying Christmas Lyrics
Mr Turnwinter’s beard Is exceptionally famous hair. The beard is worshipped and beloved By Children everywhere. Because one year it saved Christmas, When accidentally Santa shaved his beard off and needed It replaced quickly. Santa felt naked without his beard It distinguished him. He couldn’t leave the North Pole Sporting a beardless Chin. So he sent his elves on a mission To find a look-a-like who’ll Lend Santa their beard and restore The jeopardised Yule. So they found Mr Turnwinter Who had based his look Upon that of St Nicholas After reading a book. And he was happy to oblige St Nick’s request And Christmas therefore was restored And Santa went on with his quest. So things turned out well and It wasn’t as bad as was feared And on the cover of every magazine now Is Mr Turnwinter’s beard
Whilst Juggling 7 Kumquats On a cold December night. I got the inspiration about a Poem I should write, About an iconic Christmas figure Who is overlooked a lot, But I consider her the best Christmas icon we have got. We always hear of Santa Clause, The Grinch, Scrooge Ivy and Holly, But it seems we do ignore The Christmas panda Polly. Yes Polly the Christmas Panda, she’s As Christmassy as can be When it comes to spreading joy No one’s as good as she. She wears her Christmas clothing, And does her Christmassy things And all those Christmas Carols Are the only things she sings. We need to hear more about her I hope you all agree I hope this poem balances out The ignoring that we see. So whether your name be John, Stacey, Tony or Amanda Let us never forget about Polly the Christmas Panda.
That’s it… It’s now over for me… After 34 readings, 28 Libraries, 2 Schools, 1 resource centre and a lot of Children, (I had originally intended to count the number of Children so that would have been a more impressive sentence.) It is all over for me… No more CBF 2009 for Paul Tubb.
The scene for my final 5 readings was county Donegal and I arrived in Letterkenny on Wednesday 21st at around 1900 hrs and made my way up to Letterkenny Quality Court Hotel, which would be my base for the next two days.
I got to the Hotel, had a panini and a wave of tiredness came over me so I went up to my room, talked to my wife and watched TV before going to bed.
I woke up early the following morning and sat in bed listening to, ‘The Kinks Choral Collection’ whilst drinking coffee. I then went down to breakfast, which was wonderful again, then rushed off to catch the 0830 bus to Raphoe.
Raphoe was the location of my first reading, and another success was had, although the Children seemed to be rather hesitant in their singing about giving their Coat Hangers names… But they certainly warmed up for the rest of the performance and wrote some wonderful Limericks. Afterwards I was told by a young boy that the poets I had provided in my hand out were very good, so this pleased me.
From Raphoe, I then got a taxi to Lifford library, a library that is joined to a restaurant which provides lovely coffee, I was to discover. The class this time were older and larger (in number rather than surface) than the previous one, but this did not seem to dispel them having a good time and enjoying my songs, poems and writing their own Limerick. Another enjoyable time was had. Although again, there seemed to be an aversion about wanting to sing that they give their Coat Hangers names, I started to wonder whether it was a Donegal thing.
Luckily the next group dispelled this myth by charging into the singing with a loud voice. They were another wonderful group, this time at Ballybofey Library. Wonderful Limericks were again written and many questions were asked. I was told that they found my poems and songs funny, which is something I love to hear. I was also asked if I have ever written any Christmas poetry, to which I replied that I have written an entire collection of Christmas verse which I hope to publish soon. I was then asked if I could read one, and I read my poem Misunderstood Christmas Lyrics which can be seen below.
After Ballybofey, I had to make my way back to Letterkenny and it was a tired poet who fell asleep on his return, only to be woken up by his wife phoning him.
The next day I was picked up by Wainfest organiser and Letterkenny Librarian, Ursula who took me to St. Johnston & Carrigans Resource Centre, for my first reading of the day. Two classes were expected and one was late. This gave the first class time to ask me for rhymes to various words, including Orange and most of their names. The second class entered, many of them in Halloween fancy dress, and we then begun. One of the teachers was a Tottenham fan, who after the reading asked about the availability of my book, so that pleased me. Again wonderful limericks were written, and I was asked to perform The Coat-Hanger Song again, so a great session was again had.
Ursula then drove me back to Letterkenny where I got to spend a couple of hours whilst she went back to the Library. She picked me up again and then we went to Ramelton Library for my final reading of the day, week, month and festival this year.
Ramelton Library is converted from an old Church and is a really nice library, in a lovely picturesque town. There is even an old pulpit, which I fancied reading from, although I didn’t.
Another successful reading was had, with wonderful Limericks, questions and giggling. A young boy asked if he could play my guitar, which I let him and he was very good. The teachers showed their appreciation by writing me a verse as well so again I was extremely happy.
I was then driven to Letterkenny Bus Station, to begin my journey back home and away from the festival.
Again I would like to extend my thanks to all Teachers, Librarians, Parent/Helpers and (Most Especially) To all the Children who I read to during the week.
And again I am upset that this festival is over. I do love October, and it is due to this festival. Here is hoping for more of the same next year.
If anyone is interested, I am doing a show for Adults in Bewleys Cafe on 5th November. Details can be found here. http://www.bewleyscafetheatre.com/upcoming.php
Click on the Image of The Front Cover, To read Some Sample Poems From The Book. Click on Buy Now To Purchase for the sum of €6 + €3 postage and packaging. Please enter in any message you require the author to write.
I am a Poet/Humorist/Singer-Songwriter, Who performs his poems and songs for Children all over Ireland... I also write general humour which I perform at various Comedy Clubs in Dublin and Kildare
