My Beautiful Mommy

There is a Children’s Book on the Market that helps Children feel better when their Mother has plastic surgery, it’s called, ‘My Beautiful Mommy’ and just the idea of it is beyond ghastly…

But it is popular… Now I really do not think that children’s Literature should exist simply to make adults feel better about their life choices, but hey I’ve got to eat…
So I have written a very similar book, which is entitled: ‘I’ve got Self-Esteem issues Kid, just deal with it, you’ll probably have them as well.’

It has a Seussian flavour, told completely in rhyme and it is as follows.

Mommy’s Breasts are bigger now
And I am going to tell you how.
I hated the fact they were small and saggy
They looked Old Maidy and Old Haggy.
So I got the phone book and I looked
For a plastic surgeon and I booked
An appointment for that day at half past three
I woke up after my operation and I did see
These two things which are much bigger,
And they really improve my figure.
They’re firm and big and all the guys
Cannot stop looking due to there size.
I can no longer breast feed, now they’re grown,
As the milk will taste like silicone.
But I hope the size does not scare
You, actually I really don’t care.
It’s for my self esteem, it’s not for you,
It may be selfish but look at these two.

Any publishers reading please contact me at Onlyjoking@donotcontactthisemail.com