Poet Laureate

With Andrew Motion's term as UK Poet Laureate up next year, I'm wondering what odds the bookies are offering for his successor, and more specifically what odds they would offer for me obtaining the role.

1000 – 1: I would hope or more. Quite simply because:

1) My reputation is not as big as I would like

2) I would turn down the role as I do not think I would do it justice. I find the idea of being official poet to the Royal Family quite dull and therefore un-do-able.

Now I do believe that any poet worth their salt should be able to find beauty or humour in the mundane, but the Royal Family, please… I can't imagine writing poetry about weddings, like the ones I was forced to watch as a child, or someone's 21st or coronations and other events I have nothing to do with. I think I could write about the events that the Royal Family would rather forget.

For instance Harry's Fancy Dress Party:

When Harry dressed up as a Nazi

The tabloids they did cry

It's not a toy

You stupid boy

They caused many people to die.

Or… Who could forget Andrew Motion's Rap regarding Prince William's 21st Birthday? Well I'm trying to but the therapy is not working, I still hear it late at night… AAAARGH!!!!!!!!

But why was there no rap to commemorate his recent splitting with his girlfriend?

I'm going to be King at a future date… Kate.

So I hope you appreciate… Kate.

That this must cease its Fate… Kate.

No Good excuse I can Create… Kate.

My Apologies I would like to state… Kate.

I could also write a Rap about them getting back together but that would be far too painful.

See I do have a knack for this sort of thing, or not as the case may be.

So who do I think should be the next Poet Laureate? Well my main choice would be between Roger McGough and Wendy Cope, both excellent poets who would do the job proud, although I would like to see them offer it to Benjamin Zephaniah as I read he would turn it down, and I would hope his turning down of this would be as public as his turning down of his OBE.
I do believe the role could be an exceptionally important role and I do hope it is thought out and re-evaluated.