Oh how sad was Dustin's exit from a competition so po-faced and devoid of intentional-humour… And not for the reasons you would expect…
Dustin's exit from Europe has been a bad thing for Puns… Ever since it has been announced that Dustin was applying to take part in the Eurovision, the Pun-Writers of the Irish press have been going overboard... There has been an explosion of puns... Unfortunately they have not changed.
Yesterday morning's Headline's have been worryingly predictable, with 'Dustin Stuffed', 'Dustin Plucked', 'Dustin Fails to Ruffle feathers', 'Ireland in a flap over Eurovision. etc...
Now these puns are not bad as puns, but they were all expected, they had been used before and they were predicted.
I'm sorry but these newspapers have had a while to come up with decent original puns… It could have only gone two ways since Dustin was chosen and therefore some thought should have been put into it. What were the Pun departments of the newspapers doing?
As a huge Pun fan, I'd like to think I can come up with some.
For instance, why has no one used Sandie Shaw's Eurovision hit as a source of punning?
'Hike A Puppet, Con a Win' This would be an excellent headline the way that Dustin has been hyped making people think he is a shoo-in to win leaving the Bookies the only winners here.
The following are ten puns that would have showed more originality than the puns the press have used:
1) Yeah, Like a Puppet's Gonna Win. (Another obscure Sandie Shaw reference.)
2) Europe tells Dustin to Beak Wyatt.
3) No Turkey-ish delight as Dustin doesn't show Eastern (European) Promise.
4) Dustin's Daily Boos. (Reference to Dustin's show, Dustin's Daily News and the fact he gets booed everywhere.)
5) D'end of Eurovision for Dustin. (Reference to the Den)
6) Eurovision Poultry-mendous news for Dustin Dissenters. (Eurovision Poll Tremendous news etc.)
7) No Hen Party for the Irish in Belgrade. (This is where I start scraping the bottom of the barrel)
8) Dustin fails to make the (Bel)Grade. (Told you)
9) Irlande 'Boos' Points (Ouch surely I can get no lower.)
10) Dustin given free-range in Belgrade. (OK that is it… It is getting silly… Surely I have something better to do.)
I hope these amused you, but I'm assuming that no pun in ten did...
Showing posts with label Living in Ireland. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Living in Ireland. Show all posts
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
Not Dustin Off An Old Routine
In my first ever performance of comedy for ‘Adults’, I did a routine on the Eurovision song contest, including a ghastly (intentionally) version of a song I told the audience I was going to put forward for the contest… I started the routine by saying that I have lived in Ireland for five years and I love it here, but I cannot understand the nation that gave us Phil Lynott, The Dubliner’s, Van Morrison and others actually seems to give a monkey’s about the Eurovision song contest.
I gave this routine up for three reasons:
1) People might think it was a routine done out of affection (It wasn’t)
2) I made a joke about the fact that, as Terry Wogan says that the British will never win it again because they’ve bombed too many nations, why hasn’t Tony Blair used that as some kind of justification (It was met with silence, Political Satire is not my thing)
3) The routine works on the premise that my birthplace, England, doesn’t care about the Eurovision Song Contest, but after Morrisey and Justin Hawkins behaviour last year, well it’s obviously not strictly true and the routine loses all credibility.
This year, thanks to a turkey, the Eurovision has been all over the Irish news again, some reality TV show person is Britain’s entry and my act is getting on OK without a Eurovision routine, although I still say before a song, ‘This is my Eurovision entry next year, That’ll please them… An Englishman representing Ireland’
I think the moral of this is, you can’t make a joke out of a joke…
I gave this routine up for three reasons:
1) People might think it was a routine done out of affection (It wasn’t)
2) I made a joke about the fact that, as Terry Wogan says that the British will never win it again because they’ve bombed too many nations, why hasn’t Tony Blair used that as some kind of justification (It was met with silence, Political Satire is not my thing)
3) The routine works on the premise that my birthplace, England, doesn’t care about the Eurovision Song Contest, but after Morrisey and Justin Hawkins behaviour last year, well it’s obviously not strictly true and the routine loses all credibility.
This year, thanks to a turkey, the Eurovision has been all over the Irish news again, some reality TV show person is Britain’s entry and my act is getting on OK without a Eurovision routine, although I still say before a song, ‘This is my Eurovision entry next year, That’ll please them… An Englishman representing Ireland’
I think the moral of this is, you can’t make a joke out of a joke…
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Learning Irish
As it is coming to an end of Seachtain na Gaeilge for 2008, I decided that I will reprint a previous blog of mine that I put on my myspace page... Hope it is enjoyed.
As a Wordsmith and a person who has been living in Ireland for 6 years I say with complete shame that I am still totally unfamiliar with the Irish Language. Despite my New Year resolutions for the past 5 years being, 'This year I'm going to make a concerted effort to learn Irish,' it has never been achieved, or even remotely started. As a user of Irish Rail I did learn that:
'Nil Cead Na Leithris a usaid fad is ata an traein I stasiun' means
'It is not permissible to use the toilets whilst trains are in the station'
but as I tend not to use this phrase much in everyday speech it is meaningless information.
Imagine my joy when on completing my third ever poetry reading, which was in Blackrock Library Cork to a Class of girls, I was approached by all the girls wanting my autograph... Then imagine my embarrassment when asking the girls to spell these gorgeous Irish names they have, to not know what a Fada is. To those, like me, who don't know what a Fada is, it is and accent over certain letters in Irish Words which according to Wikipedia, 'serves to lengthen the sound of the vowels and in some cases also changes their quality'. When one of the girls spelt their name they inserted the Fada, to which I replied, 'I am unfamiliar with that letter.' Looking like a complete ignoramus.
But in my defence I have had bad experiences trying to learn other languages, for example in November 2001 I travelled to Japan to visit a friend of mine. I decided to learn a few phrases as I did not want to be one of those English people who travel abroad with the attitude, 'They All speak English don't they!' The phrases were nothing that appeared to difficult and were practiced silently on the plane on the way over. When I got through customs and had a much needed Cigarette, I approached the ticket office for the Airport Shuttle and asked in my best Japanese, 'Can I buy a ticket to Shinjuku please?' This phrase was met with a strange look from the salesperson who said, 'I beg your pardon.' Suddenly feeling guilty that I had obviously butchered this Woman's 'mother tongue' I asked the same question in English... This happened every time I entered a shop and bought something. After every purchase I said, 'Arigato' to thank the salesperson and I was not understood and had to say, 'Thank you'
But this is not an excuse and this year I will make an effort to learn the Irish Language...
As a Wordsmith and a person who has been living in Ireland for 6 years I say with complete shame that I am still totally unfamiliar with the Irish Language. Despite my New Year resolutions for the past 5 years being, 'This year I'm going to make a concerted effort to learn Irish,' it has never been achieved, or even remotely started. As a user of Irish Rail I did learn that:
'Nil Cead Na Leithris a usaid fad is ata an traein I stasiun' means
'It is not permissible to use the toilets whilst trains are in the station'
but as I tend not to use this phrase much in everyday speech it is meaningless information.
Imagine my joy when on completing my third ever poetry reading, which was in Blackrock Library Cork to a Class of girls, I was approached by all the girls wanting my autograph... Then imagine my embarrassment when asking the girls to spell these gorgeous Irish names they have, to not know what a Fada is. To those, like me, who don't know what a Fada is, it is and accent over certain letters in Irish Words which according to Wikipedia, 'serves to lengthen the sound of the vowels and in some cases also changes their quality'. When one of the girls spelt their name they inserted the Fada, to which I replied, 'I am unfamiliar with that letter.' Looking like a complete ignoramus.
But in my defence I have had bad experiences trying to learn other languages, for example in November 2001 I travelled to Japan to visit a friend of mine. I decided to learn a few phrases as I did not want to be one of those English people who travel abroad with the attitude, 'They All speak English don't they!' The phrases were nothing that appeared to difficult and were practiced silently on the plane on the way over. When I got through customs and had a much needed Cigarette, I approached the ticket office for the Airport Shuttle and asked in my best Japanese, 'Can I buy a ticket to Shinjuku please?' This phrase was met with a strange look from the salesperson who said, 'I beg your pardon.' Suddenly feeling guilty that I had obviously butchered this Woman's 'mother tongue' I asked the same question in English... This happened every time I entered a shop and bought something. After every purchase I said, 'Arigato' to thank the salesperson and I was not understood and had to say, 'Thank you'
But this is not an excuse and this year I will make an effort to learn the Irish Language...
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