Dublin, Unesco City of Literature and Dublin's Lesser spotted Creatures

Oh, Dublin’s Fair City, a place that I call home and some other people call, ‘Let’s pretend Paul doesn’t live here.’

Well this place that I call home is now a UNESCO City of Literature a title much deserved because of the rich Literary history the city has, from Joyce, Wilde, Gogarty, Flann O’Brien through to the many wonderful writers of today.

I, as a sort of Literary figure who lives here, am overjoyed by this turn of events not merely because, coincidentally, I have recently been working on a collection of Nonsense Verse based around nonsensical/mythical creatures that are to be found within Dublin. The Collection is under the title, 'Dublin's Lesser Spotted Creatures'.

I am currently looking for a publisher for this, but in the meantime I offer up this example for you in the hope that it is enjoyed by all who stumble on this vast wasteland that is my Blog.

Thank you.

Subbuteo Playing Primates

A Monkey in Glenview, *
Whilst eating Irish Stew,
Said, ‘I think I’ll play Subbuteo today.
Although playing by one’s self
Is bad for one’s Health
“For 2 or more” the instructions clearly say.
So when I’ve finished this stew
I’ll know what I’ll do
And I believe it is the best decision
I’ll contact a Chimpanzee
I know who lives in Dalkey,
I’m sure he’ll provide excellent opposition.’

* In Tallaght

My Stand-Up Comedy Act - With added song.

Me perfoming Stand Up at the Battle of the Axe Comedy Club, Hapenny Inn May 2010

My CBF 2009, Part Four

Ah! What would life be like without the contrary weather that seems to exist on these two islands?

An extremely wet poet today, as I walked from my house to the Dart station, Pearse Dart Station to the Luas at St Stephens Green, and then from Dundrum - Luas Stop to Dundrum Library. All in the Lovely Dublin Rain that wasn’t even hinted at during the lovely autumnal day that was yesterday. I had my wife’s company again up to Connolly, but she could not come and take photos again.

Oh well, the wet poet made his way up to the library and set up and sat drinking coffee waiting for the class to arrive. On my arrival I saw a poster saying, ‘Latest Copy of the Beano available here.’ And that can never be a bad thing.

48 wet little people came in and situated themselves in front of me and then I began. Laughs were heard as I read my poems and sang my songs, and an enjoyable time was had by all, I think. I no longer do feedback forms at the end of sessions so I can only go by the giggles and thank you’s I receive at the end.

After Dundrum, I was driven up to St Lawrence School in Stillorgan, where I was shown into Mr Clarke’s Classroom whilst many young boys sat eating their Lunch. After I set up, the boys finished their lunches and the boys in the class opposite came to join us.

I sang songs, read my poems to another enthusiastic group. Limericks were great again and many questions were asked, including many asking where my poetry can be purchased.

So an enjoyable day was had. I’m in South Dublin tomorrow, returning to DLR on Friday.

My CBF 2009, Part Three

So today begun my Dublin Shaped Hole in my CBF Schedule… I’ll be in the capital from today until next Tuesday, taking in Dun Laoghaire and Rathdown, South Dublin and my resident county of Fingal…

This has many advantages, I am at home every night, I see my wife every night, and I can upload my Blog every day…

But I have to make my own Breakfast and start each day with an instant coffee.

I know how pathetic that sounds, I know what you’re thinking, ‘Oh poor little poet, has to make his own breakfast.’ So we shall move on.

I started out today, on the same Train as my wife, so that was good… My wife had to go to work, so she got off at Connolly, which meant I had no photographer, so I’ve got no visual document of today’s readings, but it did happen, you can take my word for it.

We travelled during rush hour, which is interesting when you have a guitar. I realise why John Hegley, (Another Musical Poet) travels with a mandolin… I planned to alight at Dalkey, which is what I did, for my first Dublin reading.

I arrived at Dalkey Library at around 0940 hrs and was then told to situate myself by the Reading Tree they have there. This was where my performance would take place. At around 1000 hrs, around 52 children entered and one of their teachers approached me to let me know that she had witnessed my performance previously in Blackrock, and had been impressed and was really looking forward to this performance. This really pleased me, so it was a happy poet who started with the Coat-Hanger Song.

This section went wonderfully well again, Limericks were great from the Children and I think my poetry was enjoyed. After the reading, Oonagh from DLR Libraries came to pick me up to take me to Shankhill Library.

I got very paranoid at Shankhill library, because my session was to start at 1300 hrs and at 1320 hrs, there was no sign of an audience for me to read to, I was worried that they had studied my poetry in school and decided it wasn’t worth making the small journey to see me… Eventually, after the Librarian had gone to see what the trouble was, they arrived and there had just been a mix-up… I decided, for the first time, due to the late arrival that we would forego the Limerick section, and the session was another success. I was told I was funny and cool and all wanted, and received, my autograph.

Looking forward to Dundrum and Stillorgan tomorrow.

I'm going to be on the Radio

Oh and another thing...

I am currently over the moon as I will be on the Radio tomorrow.

I have been asked to appear live on 'Laughter Tracks' on Dublin City FM 103.2. The show runs on Tuesdays from 3:00-3:30pm. I will be singing songs and reading poems from my upcoming collection.
You can find out more about Dublin City FM and listen live to it by going to the website www.dublincityfm.ie.

For those living in Ireland you can tune in to 103.2 FM

Children’s Book Festival 2008 part one

Day 1 – Fingal Libraries

Our Cafetierre got broken last week…

Bear with me, it is relevant.

Without our Cafetierre, I have been starting each day with instant coffee. Now I do not believe I become a real poet until I’ve had my morning coffee. The students, teachers, librarians I read to, probably think I wake up rhyming, but no…

The question should be though, am I any less of a poet if I start the day with an instant coffee rather than a filtered one? (Also the question should be if the opposite of instant is delayed, how come filtered coffee is not called delayed coffee?)

This question would be answered today as I start my run in the Children’s Book festival 2008 in my resident county of Fingal, therefore I not in a B&B, I am at home for breakfast and I start my day with an instant coffee. Getting the 0820hrs dart from Howth, I arrive at Malahide at around 0900hrs for my first reading at 1000hrs.

Now although I have lived in Fingal since May this year, I must admit, with some shame, I had never ventured over to Malahide, therefore I have no idea where the library is, but I must commend Malahide town planners for 2 reasons:

1) There is a town map at the station showing the library,
2) There is an insomnia coffee shop outside the library.

So it was to Insomnia I went for a coffee, maybe I did not need to worry about the instant coffee question. (Although I maintain the first coffee is the most important.)

After Coffee, I enter the library and set up my stuff…

A group of 25 kids enter at 10 and I start with ‘The Coat-hanger song’. This seems goes down well and is confirmed by positive comments received at the end. I then start to read my poetry. I must be more nervous then normal, as the teacher announces that she’s enjoying my poetry but I am reading a bit fast. I slow down, but the nerves still get me as I mess up a few chords of my song, ‘mis-spelt football team blues’, but apart from this everything else goes well, especially my blues song, ‘New Shoes Blues’, which receives wonderful comments.

During the Limerick section the teacher tells me she is very impressed and even hints at wanting to purchase a collection of my verse.

At the end of the session the comments received were exceptionally positive… Even my hair and Charlie Brown T-Shirt (More on that in a later blog) received praise.

After Malahide, I get a bus to Baldoyle Library 1.5 hours early, I store my stuff at the library and go to a pub called Graingers for a Paul Tubb approved breakfast with a delayed Coffee.

I go back to the Library and pretty soon a class of girls arrive and I immediately mess up the start of ‘The Coat-Hanger Song’ I apologise and then say, ‘Let’s all pretend that didn’t happen.’ This gets a couple of giggles, and for the next hour I do not put a foot wrong.

This time there is no hint, the teacher actually asks to purchase my poetry as does a girl in the front row.

During the Limerick session I am surprised to find out that Louis Walsh, the grown man who gets an inappropriate amount of pleasure making young girls cry, writes Limericks… I also got the impression that the girls were fond of him, so I will refrain from giving my opinion of him.

Also, although I received totally positive comments from the Girls, a couple of girls did say that I should not sing my Blues Song… I imagine this is what Louis Walsh would say, in fact I can imagine singing this to Louis and Simon, who respond with, ‘John Lee Hooker? You are more like TJ Hooker…’ Oh well, I was not planning on queing up 4 the X-Factor anyway.

Also in the Comments, one girl did write, in response to the question, ‘What would you like to see at the next reading?’ That they’d like to see fashion and make-up tips. Believe me I am no Brendan Courtney, I will be of little use in this department…
Honestly, Mothers of Ireland, would you like your daughters receiving fashion advice from this man?



So all in all an exceptionally positive day. As I write this, the old-Fashioned way with a pen and paper as I intend to type this up later, in a café in the CHQ whilst I wait for my wife. I feel pleased with the way things have gone today, and also pleased my wife will be accompanying me tonight to Kilkenny, for my next set of readings… Looking forward to it immensely.

Dangers of Living in Dublin

So, I am now a resident of Dublin’s Fair City where the Girls may be pretty but the Soap Opera that has taken its name from the song is terrible, probably the worst programme ever viewed on a television screen… But that really is beside the point… So what is the point I hear absolutely no-one ask?

Well this is just a blog to tell anyone who stumbles onto my words that I have moved to Dublin in the last week and I am enjoying it so far… Hopefully the artistic side to the City will open up more for me and my wife now…

Although we have already had one scare whilst living in Dublin… Last Sunday, our first day in Dublin, we decided to go into town and watch ‘Indiana Jones’ (excellent film but that is not important for this blogs purpose) and we were sitting on the last Dart home when there came an announcement telling us that the train will be waiting there for a while to accommodate the Concert goers, ‘Concert Goers?’ I wondered, ‘Who are these concert goers’ asking the same question to my wife who also didn’t know I suddenly remembered that Westlife were playing at Croke Park and I became panicked at the thought of the train being descended on by a whole group of Mad Hyper-upped Westlife fans… I started to run up and down the carriage screaming in panic until my wife told me to sit down and stop over-reacting… After 20 minutes the train left with absolutely nobody getting on, I let out a relieved sigh and realised I was safe… I also came up with the conclusion that Westlife fans do not use public transport and are therefore bad for the Environment, why Aren’t Madonna and Al Gore campaigning to ban Westlife? (Just a joke)

Anyway, looking forward to living in Dublin… In honour of the start of the Euro Championship today, I include a football poem with this blog.

Frank Zachary Frumpet

Frank Zachary Frumpet flew to France
To see his Favourite Football team play.
It cost him a lot of money
To fly over for a day.
It was the first leg of a European game
And his high hopes were held.
He’d been resting his voice for the past two days
So clear instructions could be yelled.
He fed on frog legs and fish
Before finding his way to the ground.
When he got there he thought it was strange,
As he couldn’t hear any sound.
He found someone he could ask
And said, ‘I hear no sound at all
Where’s the traffic and the fan’s
Who paid to see the football.
The man replied, ‘But Monsieur
A mistake you have clearly made
The first leg is in England,
Here’s where the second leg’s to be played.
Your journey need not be wasted,
Now you’ve the perfect opportunity
To use this mistake to your advantage
And see some more of my country.’
So Frank he took a holiday
And more of France he did see
But he knew that from now on
He’d check his tickets more carefully.