Hope it is enjoyed by all:
Showing posts with label Poetry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Poetry. Show all posts
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Wodehouse and Holmes Society poem
As a member of the PG Wodehouse Society, and a new member of The Sherlock Holmes Society of London, my loyalties in the annual Cricket match between the societies have become worryingly divided... So much so that I decided to pour all my frustration and worry into my art, and those lovely people at Wooster Sauce, have published it for me... It is hopefully going to appear in the Winter edition of the Sherlock Holmes Journal as well.
Hope it is enjoyed by all:
Hope it is enjoyed by all:
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Francis Xavier Enderby
During the short intermission that they have at the wonderful storytelling night, Milk & Cookies, I took the opportunity to read from, ‘The Complete Enderby’. A tome containing all four novels written by Anthony Burgess about the poet, Francis Xavier Enderby. Whilst reading, I was asked,
‘That’s the same guy who wrote Clockwork Orange isn’t it?’ I replied in the affirmative and was then asked, ‘Is it similar to Clockwork Orange?’ To which I could reply in the negative as it isn’t. I am then glad that he did not ask me what it is comparable to as I’m not so sure… The books are certainly like nothing I’ve ever read before.
Gifted Poet, Francis Xavier Enderby, has questionable gastronomic and hygiene habits. His grotesque stepmother ruined both his Libido and his Catholicism for him. Now all he wants to do is live a solitary existence which allows him to collect money from investments and to write his poems whilst on his toilet, especially the masterpiece he is currently working on. Unfortunately there are many obstacles preventing him from living the life he wants, including: A friend asking him to write love poems to a barmaid, awards to accept, jealous husbands, the plagiarising of his work, being wrongfully accused of murder and many others but most especially the women… You see despite being a bit grotesque and due to him being such a gifted wordsmith Enderby is, if not irresistible at least, very popular with the opposite sex. Although there is normally strings attached with these liaisons, such as: Marriage and conformity to society, higher marks at college or just a fulfilment of lust that Enderby is unable to fulfil. Also, you can’t help feeling sorry for Enderby as it appears nobody is on his side, he truly is a man alone who just wishes for his muse never to leave him and to be left alone with this muse and write beautiful things.
All this adds up to four very funny books with wonderful linguistic fun that showcases a poet so out of step with the world and even the world of art. I would certainly recommend these books to any adult…
‘That’s the same guy who wrote Clockwork Orange isn’t it?’ I replied in the affirmative and was then asked, ‘Is it similar to Clockwork Orange?’ To which I could reply in the negative as it isn’t. I am then glad that he did not ask me what it is comparable to as I’m not so sure… The books are certainly like nothing I’ve ever read before.
Gifted Poet, Francis Xavier Enderby, has questionable gastronomic and hygiene habits. His grotesque stepmother ruined both his Libido and his Catholicism for him. Now all he wants to do is live a solitary existence which allows him to collect money from investments and to write his poems whilst on his toilet, especially the masterpiece he is currently working on. Unfortunately there are many obstacles preventing him from living the life he wants, including: A friend asking him to write love poems to a barmaid, awards to accept, jealous husbands, the plagiarising of his work, being wrongfully accused of murder and many others but most especially the women… You see despite being a bit grotesque and due to him being such a gifted wordsmith Enderby is, if not irresistible at least, very popular with the opposite sex. Although there is normally strings attached with these liaisons, such as: Marriage and conformity to society, higher marks at college or just a fulfilment of lust that Enderby is unable to fulfil. Also, you can’t help feeling sorry for Enderby as it appears nobody is on his side, he truly is a man alone who just wishes for his muse never to leave him and to be left alone with this muse and write beautiful things.
All this adds up to four very funny books with wonderful linguistic fun that showcases a poet so out of step with the world and even the world of art. I would certainly recommend these books to any adult…
Thursday, June 17, 2010
A Poetic Circus Needs a Poetic Clown
Wow… How messed up is the Oxford Professorship of poetry elections… A wonderful opportunity to put poetry in the news, and it is being treated like a day trip to St Trinians by the possible candidates.
We’ve had the favouritism and the only woman candidate leaving (Read here)
We’ve had accusations of pretension and pseudo-intellectualism (See Here and Here)
And that’s not mentioning the debacle that it descended into last year.
It was even described as a Circus today (See Here)
And I wish I was involved. What does every circus need? A Dancing Grizzly bear… No… Sorry… That was the wrong thing I wanted to say, No dancing bear is needed, not in this circus, it could do with a Clown though, albeit a poetic one… Like myself.
I may not have the experience, or the degrees, but I have been told that, ‘You make Children happy, don’t ever stop.’ And I have been described as ‘delightfully ridiculous’ rather than just ridiculous like the escapades of the current bunch of potential poets.
I know it’s too late for this time, and I will probably never get it ever anyway, but I can but dream. I’d like to immerse myself in the pastoral/lively atmosphere of Further Academia writing/reading verse and about verse whilst talking about it, oh what might have been.
My Book can be purchased here:
Me reading a poem:
We’ve had the favouritism and the only woman candidate leaving (Read here)
We’ve had accusations of pretension and pseudo-intellectualism (See Here and Here)
And that’s not mentioning the debacle that it descended into last year.
It was even described as a Circus today (See Here)
And I wish I was involved. What does every circus need? A Dancing Grizzly bear… No… Sorry… That was the wrong thing I wanted to say, No dancing bear is needed, not in this circus, it could do with a Clown though, albeit a poetic one… Like myself.
I may not have the experience, or the degrees, but I have been told that, ‘You make Children happy, don’t ever stop.’ And I have been described as ‘delightfully ridiculous’ rather than just ridiculous like the escapades of the current bunch of potential poets.
I know it’s too late for this time, and I will probably never get it ever anyway, but I can but dream. I’d like to immerse myself in the pastoral/lively atmosphere of Further Academia writing/reading verse and about verse whilst talking about it, oh what might have been.
My Book can be purchased here:
Me reading a poem:
Friday, June 5, 2009
Poetry Off by Heart
One of my proudest Verse-based moments of my life, occurred in Blackrock, Co Dublin. During a reading to children, I was approached by three young girls and told very proudly that the class had learned to read together, ‘Christmas In July’ a poem of mine.
When it came time for me to read this verse I decided to turn it over to them, and get them to read it. To hear my own words read back to me from 30, or so, loud, but young, voices was a wonderful experience and it might have brought a tear to my eye if it wasn’t for this macho image I insist on maintaining and portraying to the world. I was even willing to allow the class to falter on the last two lines, which most seemed to, I was that impressed and pleased, but this was more than one of the young girls, who had told me originally about their learning of the poem, was going to allow them to do. She seemed quite appalled at her faltering fellow classmates and, hands on hips, said the last two lines with more conviction because of it.
I was reminded of this event when viewing the following article: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/books/5369739/More-poetry---please.html
This article deals with the importance of learning verse from heart, and I will be honest it is something I have never thought of before.
I know that my own schooling on poetry was exceptionally weak, the only thing I remember was seeing a television programme that contained Roger McGough and Michael Rosen, two men who I am still in awe of today and after this programme we were told that poetry can rhyme but it doesn’t have to and being asked to write two poems one that did rhyme and one that didn’t. That was the extent of my poetic schooling. Stephen Fry dedicates ‘The Ode Less Travelled’ to a teacher who helped awake his mind to the wonderfulness of poesy… I can honestly say that not one of my teachers will ever get a book dedicated to them.
We were certainly never told, or taught, to learn verse off by heart and it appears that this is still true, according to this article.
I’m not sure how this can be, when there are more organisations, festivals that include young people and push from the media these days then when I was young, but I agree with this article, something still needs to be done.
I travel up and down the Ireland, reading my poems and singing my songs, but only at certain times of the year, ‘Poetry Ireland’ The organisation who are there, apparently, to promote poetry in Ireland does not want me to be part of their ‘writers in schools’ initiative, so roll on the various festivals I’m involved in.
Learn poetry by heart, a wonderful idea, in fact…
Buy my book, learn all the poems so you can read them by heart and as the book is no longer is needed as a book, it can be used as a fan to keep you cool in the, hopefully, upcoming hot weather.
Hear is a video of me reading the poem mentioned above off by heart.
Thank you.
When it came time for me to read this verse I decided to turn it over to them, and get them to read it. To hear my own words read back to me from 30, or so, loud, but young, voices was a wonderful experience and it might have brought a tear to my eye if it wasn’t for this macho image I insist on maintaining and portraying to the world. I was even willing to allow the class to falter on the last two lines, which most seemed to, I was that impressed and pleased, but this was more than one of the young girls, who had told me originally about their learning of the poem, was going to allow them to do. She seemed quite appalled at her faltering fellow classmates and, hands on hips, said the last two lines with more conviction because of it.
I was reminded of this event when viewing the following article: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/books/5369739/More-poetry---please.html
This article deals with the importance of learning verse from heart, and I will be honest it is something I have never thought of before.
I know that my own schooling on poetry was exceptionally weak, the only thing I remember was seeing a television programme that contained Roger McGough and Michael Rosen, two men who I am still in awe of today and after this programme we were told that poetry can rhyme but it doesn’t have to and being asked to write two poems one that did rhyme and one that didn’t. That was the extent of my poetic schooling. Stephen Fry dedicates ‘The Ode Less Travelled’ to a teacher who helped awake his mind to the wonderfulness of poesy… I can honestly say that not one of my teachers will ever get a book dedicated to them.
We were certainly never told, or taught, to learn verse off by heart and it appears that this is still true, according to this article.
I’m not sure how this can be, when there are more organisations, festivals that include young people and push from the media these days then when I was young, but I agree with this article, something still needs to be done.
I travel up and down the Ireland, reading my poems and singing my songs, but only at certain times of the year, ‘Poetry Ireland’ The organisation who are there, apparently, to promote poetry in Ireland does not want me to be part of their ‘writers in schools’ initiative, so roll on the various festivals I’m involved in.
Learn poetry by heart, a wonderful idea, in fact…
Buy my book, learn all the poems so you can read them by heart and as the book is no longer is needed as a book, it can be used as a fan to keep you cool in the, hopefully, upcoming hot weather.
Hear is a video of me reading the poem mentioned above off by heart.
Thank you.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Collection of Nonsense/Comic Verse Available
Hi,
A new collection of Comic/Nonsense Verse, For Children, called, ‘Please Do Not Encourage This Nonsense by Purchasing this Book: Poems By Paul H. Tubb’, is available for purchasing.
23 Poems Not about Football, 11 that are about Football and 5 limericks. Paul H. Tubb has put these together, with some illustrations, into a handy book form so that they can be read at anyone’s leisure. Funny Rhyming poems that will delight Children of all ages. Poems about subjects such as Strange Christmas’s, Tone Deaf Dentists and the worlds worst stuntman among others. To learn more, please click on the link below.
A new collection of Comic/Nonsense Verse, For Children, called, ‘Please Do Not Encourage This Nonsense by Purchasing this Book: Poems By Paul H. Tubb’, is available for purchasing.
23 Poems Not about Football, 11 that are about Football and 5 limericks. Paul H. Tubb has put these together, with some illustrations, into a handy book form so that they can be read at anyone’s leisure. Funny Rhyming poems that will delight Children of all ages. Poems about subjects such as Strange Christmas’s, Tone Deaf Dentists and the worlds worst stuntman among others. To learn more, please click on the link below.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Happy Birthday Mr Heaney
I am currently reading 'Stepping Stones' Interviews with Seamus Heaney and I am currently enjoying it.
Yesterday 'Poetry Now festival', paid tribute to Him turning 70 and it was a well deserved tribute that I wished to, but could not, attend.
Last year I read to the Children for The DLR Poetry Now Festival and also reading during this festival was Seamus Heaney...
I was really looking forward to meeting Seamus Heaney, at one of the many dinners arranged for the participants of the festivals or failing that at his reading that was occurring on Friday evening.
I had my copy of 'Death of a Naturalist' ready for the great man to sign, I wanted to tell him that I enjoyed his poetry and how much I appreciated being part of the same festival as he was...
So on the Thursday evening as I entered the Hotel to eat with poets and thinkers and feel out of place, I had a quick look around for the distinctive head of white hair and could not see it... I met many wonderful people that night, but no Seamus Heaney.
My reading was the following day and as it was for Children I knew he would not be there...
Our second meal was later that afternoon and again it was Seamus Heaney-less, but that was OK Seamus Heaney's reading was later that afternoon and I was going to attend.
I was going to go, with my copy of, 'Death Of A Naturalist' and queue to get it signed, but my Wife was ill and I attended the reading myself, and afterwards I was too worried about my wife to queue to get my copy signed and banter wittily with a wonderful poet.
But hopefully he was going to be in the Hardy Bar later talking to anyone who wanted to talk to him, so I went up to see my wife who told me to stop worrying about her and to go and circulate... I did as I was told but Mr Heaney was not there.
I left the festival with an unsigned copy of, 'Death of a Naturalist' and it remains unsigned to this day and maybe for ever.
Oh well, at least I can still enjoy the poetry inside...
I will use this blog though, to Thank him for all the Poetry and to wish him all the best as he begins his 71st year by celebrating his 70th birthday...
Happy Birthday Mr Heaney...
Yesterday 'Poetry Now festival', paid tribute to Him turning 70 and it was a well deserved tribute that I wished to, but could not, attend.
Last year I read to the Children for The DLR Poetry Now Festival and also reading during this festival was Seamus Heaney...
I was really looking forward to meeting Seamus Heaney, at one of the many dinners arranged for the participants of the festivals or failing that at his reading that was occurring on Friday evening.
I had my copy of 'Death of a Naturalist' ready for the great man to sign, I wanted to tell him that I enjoyed his poetry and how much I appreciated being part of the same festival as he was...
So on the Thursday evening as I entered the Hotel to eat with poets and thinkers and feel out of place, I had a quick look around for the distinctive head of white hair and could not see it... I met many wonderful people that night, but no Seamus Heaney.
My reading was the following day and as it was for Children I knew he would not be there...
Our second meal was later that afternoon and again it was Seamus Heaney-less, but that was OK Seamus Heaney's reading was later that afternoon and I was going to attend.
I was going to go, with my copy of, 'Death Of A Naturalist' and queue to get it signed, but my Wife was ill and I attended the reading myself, and afterwards I was too worried about my wife to queue to get my copy signed and banter wittily with a wonderful poet.
But hopefully he was going to be in the Hardy Bar later talking to anyone who wanted to talk to him, so I went up to see my wife who told me to stop worrying about her and to go and circulate... I did as I was told but Mr Heaney was not there.
I left the festival with an unsigned copy of, 'Death of a Naturalist' and it remains unsigned to this day and maybe for ever.
Oh well, at least I can still enjoy the poetry inside...
I will use this blog though, to Thank him for all the Poetry and to wish him all the best as he begins his 71st year by celebrating his 70th birthday...
Happy Birthday Mr Heaney...
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Library Ireland Week
Tomorrow, I am doing my first Poetry/Song Performance of 2009 as part of the Library Ireland Week, and I am looking forward to it immensely. The Performance will be too Children in Malahide Library.
I love visiting the Library and I think it is a wonderful to have a week set aside to acknowledge the wonderful service Libraries provide, but… My first memory with a Library is an unpleasant one… I shall proceed to explain why…
At a young age I was given a position of responsibility that I was obviously not ready for. We lived in a town in Hertfordshire called, Bishops Stortford and to two different tasks had to be attended to, one involved going to the Bishops Stortford Library to return books and this is the task I was given… My Mother asked me to return books to the Library and to meet her outside after she had performed the other task.
Now I was unaware of the etiquette of returning Library books by giving them to a Librarian, obviously I had been to the Library before this, but obviously had never returned books. So I carried these books into the Library and put them on the shelf… Obviously wanting to do the job properly I had to look around the Library to find similar books so they could go in their rightful place, but I remember the ordeal of locating these ‘rightful places’ being quite tormenting and eventually I placed these books anywhere I could.
As I left the Library, my Mother was cross at the length of time it had taken me to return books and we travelled home in silence…
A while later reminders and fines started coming to our house for the books that I was supposed to have returned… My parents were shocked, ‘these books had been returned.’ They reasoned and I could confirm this…
As time went by I learnt how to return books properly and I never owned up to how I had returned the books that first time I ever did it…
But hopefully, my journey to Malahide Library tomorrow will not be as disagreeable as this memory, but this reading is coming after a weekend of unhappy, for me, sporting results…
I will be unable to hide the fact that I am English, and some of the Children may mention the fact that Ireland beat England in the Rugby, but I’m more concerned with the Manchester United Fans amongst them mentioning and taking pleasure in, the fact that their team beat my team, Tottenham Hotspur, in the Final of the Carling Cup today… some of my songs and poems performed mention Tottenham and I let them all know that I am a Tottenham fan, but I’m sure I’ll be able to deal with any gloating coming my way…
To commemorate Library Ireland Week, I wrote a new song called ‘Library Card Blues’, and it can be listened too at my musical myspace page… www.myspace.com/failedrockstar/ I shall be writing another blog about this tomorrow…
I love visiting the Library and I think it is a wonderful to have a week set aside to acknowledge the wonderful service Libraries provide, but… My first memory with a Library is an unpleasant one… I shall proceed to explain why…
At a young age I was given a position of responsibility that I was obviously not ready for. We lived in a town in Hertfordshire called, Bishops Stortford and to two different tasks had to be attended to, one involved going to the Bishops Stortford Library to return books and this is the task I was given… My Mother asked me to return books to the Library and to meet her outside after she had performed the other task.
Now I was unaware of the etiquette of returning Library books by giving them to a Librarian, obviously I had been to the Library before this, but obviously had never returned books. So I carried these books into the Library and put them on the shelf… Obviously wanting to do the job properly I had to look around the Library to find similar books so they could go in their rightful place, but I remember the ordeal of locating these ‘rightful places’ being quite tormenting and eventually I placed these books anywhere I could.
As I left the Library, my Mother was cross at the length of time it had taken me to return books and we travelled home in silence…
A while later reminders and fines started coming to our house for the books that I was supposed to have returned… My parents were shocked, ‘these books had been returned.’ They reasoned and I could confirm this…
As time went by I learnt how to return books properly and I never owned up to how I had returned the books that first time I ever did it…
But hopefully, my journey to Malahide Library tomorrow will not be as disagreeable as this memory, but this reading is coming after a weekend of unhappy, for me, sporting results…
I will be unable to hide the fact that I am English, and some of the Children may mention the fact that Ireland beat England in the Rugby, but I’m more concerned with the Manchester United Fans amongst them mentioning and taking pleasure in, the fact that their team beat my team, Tottenham Hotspur, in the Final of the Carling Cup today… some of my songs and poems performed mention Tottenham and I let them all know that I am a Tottenham fan, but I’m sure I’ll be able to deal with any gloating coming my way…
To commemorate Library Ireland Week, I wrote a new song called ‘Library Card Blues’, and it can be listened too at my musical myspace page… www.myspace.com/failedrockstar/ I shall be writing another blog about this tomorrow…
Monday, February 16, 2009
Tribute to the Worlds Greatest Wordsmith
Last month I discovered a cure for the January Blues, or rather I remembered a cure.
One morning last month I woke up and that is as far I wanted to take it… I really, really did not want to go to work… Now this is hardly unusual, but this time the feeling was stronger and more real… I toyed with the idea of phoning in sick, but finally after much toing-and-froing, I decided I needed to get up…
The dark clouds above were not alleviated by showering and not even coffee could snap me out of this unpleasantness…
I decided to forgo my current reading material for that day and instead picked up, ‘Heart of a Goof’, a collection of Golfing stories by the master, P.G. Wodehouse… After a couple of these stories, read whilst on the Dart, I felt a lot better, continuing them on the Bus, I felt ready to take the day on and fully believed, if I could steal one of Wodehouse Quotes, that God was in his Heaven and all was right with the world. I got to work and discovered a nasty E-mail sent by my team leader… I sent a relatively cheery one back, I will not have them undoing all of Wodehouse’s good work. Eventually the correspondence did dampen my mood slightly, but I shudder to think what it would have been like if I had gone to work whilst feeling the way I did when I first got up.
I was reminded of this today when I entered a book shop in Dublin, and saw a selection of newly published Wodehouse books (The publishing and style was new, obviously the books have been available for years.) These books came with complementary quotes on the front of the covers by various fans, some expected (Douglas Adams, Hugh Laurie, Lynne Truss) Some surprising me (Danny Baker, Christopher Biggins.) I then went on to think how cool that would be to have your quote on the front of a Wodehouse book, If my collection of poetry sells well and I become a bit more well known, that would be an ambition of mine, to have my complementary quote on the front of a Wodehouse novel. In fact any publisher can pick from the list below…
Wodehouse: The greatest user of the English Language ever.
The best cure for any malady is a quick dip into a Wodehouse Novel.
I think it is a crime, that Wodehouse isn’t studied at GCSE level when lesser wordsmith’s are.
The only depressing thing about Wodehouse is the knowledge that I will never be as funny as he was, but then no one will be.
Wodehouse Cheers up many a grey day.
That will do for the time being…
One morning last month I woke up and that is as far I wanted to take it… I really, really did not want to go to work… Now this is hardly unusual, but this time the feeling was stronger and more real… I toyed with the idea of phoning in sick, but finally after much toing-and-froing, I decided I needed to get up…
The dark clouds above were not alleviated by showering and not even coffee could snap me out of this unpleasantness…
I decided to forgo my current reading material for that day and instead picked up, ‘Heart of a Goof’, a collection of Golfing stories by the master, P.G. Wodehouse… After a couple of these stories, read whilst on the Dart, I felt a lot better, continuing them on the Bus, I felt ready to take the day on and fully believed, if I could steal one of Wodehouse Quotes, that God was in his Heaven and all was right with the world. I got to work and discovered a nasty E-mail sent by my team leader… I sent a relatively cheery one back, I will not have them undoing all of Wodehouse’s good work. Eventually the correspondence did dampen my mood slightly, but I shudder to think what it would have been like if I had gone to work whilst feeling the way I did when I first got up.
I was reminded of this today when I entered a book shop in Dublin, and saw a selection of newly published Wodehouse books (The publishing and style was new, obviously the books have been available for years.) These books came with complementary quotes on the front of the covers by various fans, some expected (Douglas Adams, Hugh Laurie, Lynne Truss) Some surprising me (Danny Baker, Christopher Biggins.) I then went on to think how cool that would be to have your quote on the front of a Wodehouse book, If my collection of poetry sells well and I become a bit more well known, that would be an ambition of mine, to have my complementary quote on the front of a Wodehouse novel. In fact any publisher can pick from the list below…
Wodehouse: The greatest user of the English Language ever.
The best cure for any malady is a quick dip into a Wodehouse Novel.
I think it is a crime, that Wodehouse isn’t studied at GCSE level when lesser wordsmith’s are.
The only depressing thing about Wodehouse is the knowledge that I will never be as funny as he was, but then no one will be.
Wodehouse Cheers up many a grey day.
That will do for the time being…
Friday, February 13, 2009
Down with the Kids...
There is an article in the Irish times which deals with the Pat Kenny/Pete Doherty Late Late Show...
The article tries to show how un-cool Pat Kenny is... Like it can be denied... But the article itself, is ridiculous, it is obvious that Mr Murtagh knows nothing about poetry.
For a start Doherty and Dylan are not poets, there is nothing poetic about the lines that he quotes.
He came off as an old man trying to be down with the kids and he failed miserably. For a start the lyric he quotes, and is so proud of, is, 'You charmed the Bees Knees of the Bees', Totally misquoted by Murtagh and therefore rendering the point he was trying to make redundant.
Doherty is a Drug addict who dated Kate Moss. That is all he is... He may attempt to write poetry with melody's but he is very bad at it, and therefore Pat Kenny did a very good job, for probably the first time ever… The only beef I have with him is that he compared PD with a true poetic genius, Shane MacGowan.
The article tries to show how un-cool Pat Kenny is... Like it can be denied... But the article itself, is ridiculous, it is obvious that Mr Murtagh knows nothing about poetry.
For a start Doherty and Dylan are not poets, there is nothing poetic about the lines that he quotes.
He came off as an old man trying to be down with the kids and he failed miserably. For a start the lyric he quotes, and is so proud of, is, 'You charmed the Bees Knees of the Bees', Totally misquoted by Murtagh and therefore rendering the point he was trying to make redundant.
Doherty is a Drug addict who dated Kate Moss. That is all he is... He may attempt to write poetry with melody's but he is very bad at it, and therefore Pat Kenny did a very good job, for probably the first time ever… The only beef I have with him is that he compared PD with a true poetic genius, Shane MacGowan.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Bigger Than John Lennon?
A totally un-Topical Poem.
John Lennon once said that 'The Beatles were more popular than Jesus Christ' He has often been misquoted as saying 'Bigger than Jesus Christ' I have therefore written this verse about it.
Jesus entered the club
And to the microphone he went.
He hushed the crowd and said
“I’d like to make an announcement.
Despite of what he said
I’m bigger than John Lennon
John was only 5 foot ten
Whereas I’m 5 foot eleven.”
“But,” replied a punter,
“Far be it for me to disagree,
But, John Lennon said, The Beatles
Together, bigger than you they would be.
And, correct me if I’m wrong,
If on each others shoulders they got
Looking down on the top of your head
They would be, would they not?”
Jesus thought about this and realised
“Oh no that is true,
But I’m the son of God I can’t be wrong.”
And before our eyes he grew.
That’s right a miracle was performed
In front of the clientele
And said, ‘take that Mr Lennon
Ringo, George and Paul as well.’
Then Jesus before he left,
The Barman he did thank
And he turned the bottles of Evian
Into Sauvignon Blanc.
John Lennon once said that 'The Beatles were more popular than Jesus Christ' He has often been misquoted as saying 'Bigger than Jesus Christ' I have therefore written this verse about it.
Jesus entered the club
And to the microphone he went.
He hushed the crowd and said
“I’d like to make an announcement.
Despite of what he said
I’m bigger than John Lennon
John was only 5 foot ten
Whereas I’m 5 foot eleven.”
“But,” replied a punter,
“Far be it for me to disagree,
But, John Lennon said, The Beatles
Together, bigger than you they would be.
And, correct me if I’m wrong,
If on each others shoulders they got
Looking down on the top of your head
They would be, would they not?”
Jesus thought about this and realised
“Oh no that is true,
But I’m the son of God I can’t be wrong.”
And before our eyes he grew.
That’s right a miracle was performed
In front of the clientele
And said, ‘take that Mr Lennon
Ringo, George and Paul as well.’
Then Jesus before he left,
The Barman he did thank
And he turned the bottles of Evian
Into Sauvignon Blanc.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Poet Laureate
With Andrew Motion's term as UK Poet Laureate up next year, I'm wondering what odds the bookies are offering for his successor, and more specifically what odds they would offer for me obtaining the role.
1000 – 1: I would hope or more. Quite simply because:
1) My reputation is not as big as I would like
2) I would turn down the role as I do not think I would do it justice. I find the idea of being official poet to the Royal Family quite dull and therefore un-do-able.
Now I do believe that any poet worth their salt should be able to find beauty or humour in the mundane, but the Royal Family, please… I can't imagine writing poetry about weddings, like the ones I was forced to watch as a child, or someone's 21st or coronations and other events I have nothing to do with. I think I could write about the events that the Royal Family would rather forget.
For instance Harry's Fancy Dress Party:
When Harry dressed up as a Nazi
The tabloids they did cry
It's not a toy
You stupid boy
They caused many people to die.
Or… Who could forget Andrew Motion's Rap regarding Prince William's 21st Birthday? Well I'm trying to but the therapy is not working, I still hear it late at night… AAAARGH!!!!!!!!
But why was there no rap to commemorate his recent splitting with his girlfriend?
I'm going to be King at a future date… Kate.
So I hope you appreciate… Kate.
That this must cease its Fate… Kate.
No Good excuse I can Create… Kate.
My Apologies I would like to state… Kate.
I could also write a Rap about them getting back together but that would be far too painful.
See I do have a knack for this sort of thing, or not as the case may be.
So who do I think should be the next Poet Laureate? Well my main choice would be between Roger McGough and Wendy Cope, both excellent poets who would do the job proud, although I would like to see them offer it to Benjamin Zephaniah as I read he would turn it down, and I would hope his turning down of this would be as public as his turning down of his OBE.
I do believe the role could be an exceptionally important role and I do hope it is thought out and re-evaluated.
1000 – 1: I would hope or more. Quite simply because:
1) My reputation is not as big as I would like
2) I would turn down the role as I do not think I would do it justice. I find the idea of being official poet to the Royal Family quite dull and therefore un-do-able.
Now I do believe that any poet worth their salt should be able to find beauty or humour in the mundane, but the Royal Family, please… I can't imagine writing poetry about weddings, like the ones I was forced to watch as a child, or someone's 21st or coronations and other events I have nothing to do with. I think I could write about the events that the Royal Family would rather forget.
For instance Harry's Fancy Dress Party:
When Harry dressed up as a Nazi
The tabloids they did cry
It's not a toy
You stupid boy
They caused many people to die.
Or… Who could forget Andrew Motion's Rap regarding Prince William's 21st Birthday? Well I'm trying to but the therapy is not working, I still hear it late at night… AAAARGH!!!!!!!!
But why was there no rap to commemorate his recent splitting with his girlfriend?
I'm going to be King at a future date… Kate.
So I hope you appreciate… Kate.
That this must cease its Fate… Kate.
No Good excuse I can Create… Kate.
My Apologies I would like to state… Kate.
I could also write a Rap about them getting back together but that would be far too painful.
See I do have a knack for this sort of thing, or not as the case may be.
So who do I think should be the next Poet Laureate? Well my main choice would be between Roger McGough and Wendy Cope, both excellent poets who would do the job proud, although I would like to see them offer it to Benjamin Zephaniah as I read he would turn it down, and I would hope his turning down of this would be as public as his turning down of his OBE.
I do believe the role could be an exceptionally important role and I do hope it is thought out and re-evaluated.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Children's Book Festival 2008 Part Four
Days 6 and 7 - County Monaghan Libraries.
Got to Dublin Busarus from Heuston which was interesting as I was trying to make the journey with Suitcases and a guitar and so were numerous Ireland Football Fans although they were sans Guitar and Cases, although I have never been on such a packed Luas. My Wife waited at the Busarus with me until I got on the bus… Unfortunately she had to go back to work on Thursday and Friday, so it was an upset and lonely poet who travelled up to Monaghan by himself, feeling Tired and already missing his wife.
I did take my CD Walkman, with numerous AC/DC CD’s for listening in preparation for their new CD that is coming in two days, I always wanted to form an AC/DC tribute band, using Acoustic instruments but keeping the Power and Rhythm of AC/DC, calling it ‘Acoustically Causing Downright Chaos’, but never got around to it. Though I have been thinking about it recently as I have been looking forward to this album’s release and I’ve been playing AC/DC riffs on my guitar in libraries during this festival, whilst waiting for the Children to arrive… When I got my walkman out, I realised I forgot to include ‘Back in Black’ although I do remember getting it ready for packing… I really should get an I-pod so that I can never forget CD’s again…
I got to the Western Arms Hotel, where I was staying, at around 2200 hrs and tiredly made my way up to my Room… I contacted my wife to let her know that I missed her and that I had arrived… and then I thought I would get to sleep, but I was wrong. This room had a television, a remote and many channels so I spent a lot of time flipping before I fell asleep.
The morning started with a lovely Breakfast as is my tradition for this festival… An employee of Monaghan Library, the Library I was reading at, then came to pick me up and we walked around to where the library where I thought I would have three readings.
I sat there for a while drinking Coffee and Playing AC/DC riffs, until the first class came in. It was a mixed group and it went very well… The Limerick section was a success and the songs went down very well. Poems were also well received and again, requests about where to purchase my poetry were made by the teacher and the pupils. My poem ‘Raining in the Library’ has seemed to go down very well with the Children and it did so again in this session.
The next session was again well received, they seemed to be a lot younger than the previous group… The Songs seem to go down really well with the younger crowd and this session was no exception.
After a Coffee Break, We then did something that was totally new for me, We drove to a school, now I have done this before obviously, what with me actually going to a school in my younger years, but I have never given a performance in a school before all my performances being in Libraries. In fact the last time I went into a school was to vote in the Lisbon Treaty where that damned democracy annoyed our elected officials again… But I was really looking forward to this visit. The School was St Patrick’s School in Clara and the Performance took place in their School Library. The decision to hold the performance in the Library was due to the fact that the school was launching MS Readathon and they wanted a literary event to mark this, but they were unable to get one so they made do with me…
The performance itself went down very well again, 51 children, all ages and the teachers were very impressed… unfortunately we were very rushed towards the end and autograph hunters were disappointed… I enquired about MS Readathon and was informed what it entailed. I then questioned if they were to stay awake for 3 days how many books can they read? I was given many numbers from 20 to 3450…
After the reading I went back to the hotel and lied down for a bit flipping the channels… I then went to the town to look for something to eat and most places were closed. I did find something eventually and then went back to my hotel room, tired and decided to Flip Channels again and this is where I stayed for the rest of the night except for going downstairs for something to eat.
The following morning after breakfast, I was driven to Castleblaney library which is where I would spend the next 6 hours performing to 3 schools.
The first group were a group of boys who the most inquisitive group I think I’ve ever had. Before the poem ‘Raining in The Library’, I inform the group that ‘the next poem is about something bad happening in the place we are in,’ all of a sudden many imaginations went into overdrive as to what it could be… The best one was regarding the Pipe’s bursting and all of us getting stranded in the Library, my poem seemed a bit a bit tame by comparison although it was well received. There was a picture of Ardal O’Hanlon on the wall as part of the READiscover adverts, and during one of my poems a young boy interrupted and said, ‘There’s the man from Father Ted.’ Now as a huge Ted fan myself, there is no way I’m competing with that so I agreed and continued my poem after everyone had seen the picture. I got many requests again to go on X-Factor or America’s Got Talent, in fact one boy told me, ‘If I don’t see you on X-Factor next year, I’m going to be upset.’
The next group were a group of girls who seemed slow to get going… The first thing I do is perform ‘The Coat-Hanger song’ and at the end I say ‘Everyone…’ With the hope to get the whole group singing ‘Yes I give my Coat-Hangers names.’ But no one sang along in the beginning until coaxed by me and their teacher. After this it got better and subsequent poems and songs were well received…
After something to eat, my last group, of this library and unfortunately the whole festival, arrived… An exceptionally great group to mark my last performance of the 2008 festival… Jokes were told limericks were written enthusiastically, Football Poems went down well and Tottenham were again mocked… Before my last song, Joe the Wriggly Rock’N’Roll Star, I told them this was my last one and they were not happy, in fact I had a request to make it last an hour…
I was then driven to the Bus-Stop and it was an exceptionally happy but extremely tired poet who boarded the bus back to Dublin. I got back to Dublin earlier then expected and was re-united with my wife at her place of work. I dropped my stuff off and then went to Grafton Street, where I purchased the new AC/DC album, I went to the Decent Cigar emporium to buy a cigar and I also bought a Cafetierre, three things I hope to enjoy this weekend…
So that is it for me again for another year… I have too say this has been my best year… I’ve enjoyed myself, the children, teachers and Librarians have also enjoyed themselves and as I write this I am so happy but sad at the same time… Happy at what has been a success and sad that it has come to an end for me… I love this festival and I look forward to it every year… The Performances I give are enjoyable and they can be chaotic, unpredictable and loud and I wouldn’t have it any other way…
Here’s looking forward to next year’s festival…
Got to Dublin Busarus from Heuston which was interesting as I was trying to make the journey with Suitcases and a guitar and so were numerous Ireland Football Fans although they were sans Guitar and Cases, although I have never been on such a packed Luas. My Wife waited at the Busarus with me until I got on the bus… Unfortunately she had to go back to work on Thursday and Friday, so it was an upset and lonely poet who travelled up to Monaghan by himself, feeling Tired and already missing his wife.
I did take my CD Walkman, with numerous AC/DC CD’s for listening in preparation for their new CD that is coming in two days, I always wanted to form an AC/DC tribute band, using Acoustic instruments but keeping the Power and Rhythm of AC/DC, calling it ‘Acoustically Causing Downright Chaos’, but never got around to it. Though I have been thinking about it recently as I have been looking forward to this album’s release and I’ve been playing AC/DC riffs on my guitar in libraries during this festival, whilst waiting for the Children to arrive… When I got my walkman out, I realised I forgot to include ‘Back in Black’ although I do remember getting it ready for packing… I really should get an I-pod so that I can never forget CD’s again…
I got to the Western Arms Hotel, where I was staying, at around 2200 hrs and tiredly made my way up to my Room… I contacted my wife to let her know that I missed her and that I had arrived… and then I thought I would get to sleep, but I was wrong. This room had a television, a remote and many channels so I spent a lot of time flipping before I fell asleep.
The morning started with a lovely Breakfast as is my tradition for this festival… An employee of Monaghan Library, the Library I was reading at, then came to pick me up and we walked around to where the library where I thought I would have three readings.
I sat there for a while drinking Coffee and Playing AC/DC riffs, until the first class came in. It was a mixed group and it went very well… The Limerick section was a success and the songs went down very well. Poems were also well received and again, requests about where to purchase my poetry were made by the teacher and the pupils. My poem ‘Raining in the Library’ has seemed to go down very well with the Children and it did so again in this session.
The next session was again well received, they seemed to be a lot younger than the previous group… The Songs seem to go down really well with the younger crowd and this session was no exception.
After a Coffee Break, We then did something that was totally new for me, We drove to a school, now I have done this before obviously, what with me actually going to a school in my younger years, but I have never given a performance in a school before all my performances being in Libraries. In fact the last time I went into a school was to vote in the Lisbon Treaty where that damned democracy annoyed our elected officials again… But I was really looking forward to this visit. The School was St Patrick’s School in Clara and the Performance took place in their School Library. The decision to hold the performance in the Library was due to the fact that the school was launching MS Readathon and they wanted a literary event to mark this, but they were unable to get one so they made do with me…
The performance itself went down very well again, 51 children, all ages and the teachers were very impressed… unfortunately we were very rushed towards the end and autograph hunters were disappointed… I enquired about MS Readathon and was informed what it entailed. I then questioned if they were to stay awake for 3 days how many books can they read? I was given many numbers from 20 to 3450…
After the reading I went back to the hotel and lied down for a bit flipping the channels… I then went to the town to look for something to eat and most places were closed. I did find something eventually and then went back to my hotel room, tired and decided to Flip Channels again and this is where I stayed for the rest of the night except for going downstairs for something to eat.
The following morning after breakfast, I was driven to Castleblaney library which is where I would spend the next 6 hours performing to 3 schools.
The first group were a group of boys who the most inquisitive group I think I’ve ever had. Before the poem ‘Raining in The Library’, I inform the group that ‘the next poem is about something bad happening in the place we are in,’ all of a sudden many imaginations went into overdrive as to what it could be… The best one was regarding the Pipe’s bursting and all of us getting stranded in the Library, my poem seemed a bit a bit tame by comparison although it was well received. There was a picture of Ardal O’Hanlon on the wall as part of the READiscover adverts, and during one of my poems a young boy interrupted and said, ‘There’s the man from Father Ted.’ Now as a huge Ted fan myself, there is no way I’m competing with that so I agreed and continued my poem after everyone had seen the picture. I got many requests again to go on X-Factor or America’s Got Talent, in fact one boy told me, ‘If I don’t see you on X-Factor next year, I’m going to be upset.’
The next group were a group of girls who seemed slow to get going… The first thing I do is perform ‘The Coat-Hanger song’ and at the end I say ‘Everyone…’ With the hope to get the whole group singing ‘Yes I give my Coat-Hangers names.’ But no one sang along in the beginning until coaxed by me and their teacher. After this it got better and subsequent poems and songs were well received…
After something to eat, my last group, of this library and unfortunately the whole festival, arrived… An exceptionally great group to mark my last performance of the 2008 festival… Jokes were told limericks were written enthusiastically, Football Poems went down well and Tottenham were again mocked… Before my last song, Joe the Wriggly Rock’N’Roll Star, I told them this was my last one and they were not happy, in fact I had a request to make it last an hour…
I was then driven to the Bus-Stop and it was an exceptionally happy but extremely tired poet who boarded the bus back to Dublin. I got back to Dublin earlier then expected and was re-united with my wife at her place of work. I dropped my stuff off and then went to Grafton Street, where I purchased the new AC/DC album, I went to the Decent Cigar emporium to buy a cigar and I also bought a Cafetierre, three things I hope to enjoy this weekend…
So that is it for me again for another year… I have too say this has been my best year… I’ve enjoyed myself, the children, teachers and Librarians have also enjoyed themselves and as I write this I am so happy but sad at the same time… Happy at what has been a success and sad that it has come to an end for me… I love this festival and I look forward to it every year… The Performances I give are enjoyable and they can be chaotic, unpredictable and loud and I wouldn’t have it any other way…
Here’s looking forward to next year’s festival…
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Children’s Book Festival 2008 part three
Days 3,4 and 5 - County Cork Libraries.
I write this whilst travelling from Cork to Dublin, it is written the old fashioned pen and paper way… I hope to have this typed up on Saturday, but I will not promise…
When I get to Dublin I will travel up to the final County I will be performing in, Monaghan.
I hoped to write a blog after every day, but tiredness became me too much last night, so part three of my festival blog will encompass 2 days of performing and one of travelling.
Anyone reading this far will have the impression that that I have been experiencing new things during this festival… Well this blog will document a wonderful trip of familiarity as well as new experiences. This is my fourth year doing the Children’s Book Festival and there has been one constant through each four, County Cork which is where I’ve just been.
Travelling down on Monday afternoon taking a journey I’d taken many times. Arriving at a B&B We had stayed in for the last two years. In the evening, my wife and I walked down the familiar St Patrick’s Street, over to the familiar Oliver Plunkett Street to go to a favourite restaurant of Ours, The Indian Palace. Both me and Daria love Cork, it is where we both lived when we first met, in fact it is where we first met…
Even the first library visited was a Library I had performed in before, Charleville… When the girls arrived, I asked them if they had encountered me before and the response was 100% negative. I deduced from this that I was either so boring they’d forgotten me, or that it was a different class I read to before, I will chose to believe the Latter.
I do feel sorry for people who come to this blog hoping to find a disastrous and humiliating experience for me, because I am sorry to report that it was another successful performance. I was a bit worried about the reading due to the doom and gloom predicted by Ryan Tubridy and his guests on his Radio show that was on in the car on the way down. I was questioning myself, whether I can be funny, knowing that Brian Lenihan might be putting a tax on it later…
Luckily it didn’t affect me and I even got a joke out of it, when I read a poem called ‘Christmas in July’ I ask if anyone can tell me when Christmas day is, a young girl responded with, ‘25th December just around the corner.’ I then responded with, ‘Well that depends on whether Mr Lenihan decides to cancel it in his budget.’ This statement was met with horrified gasps and even a call for industrial action on the pupils side…
Again, Comment sheets were not used during the reading, but many of the children informed me that an enjoyable time was had by them.l
The next Library was Millstreet Library where again, Poetry, Jollity and Rock’N’Roll combined in a wonderful way. This class was all boys who really enjoyed the football section, and again requests were made to me to write poems for other football teams. One of the teachers is a Tottenham fan, so hopefully he appreciated it to. I included a Q+A session again at the end, which soon descended into a joke telling session which was fun.
It was an exceptionally tired Poet and Wife that arrived back in Cork City, in fact neither of us felt good at all and we realised rest was the best thing for us. Unfortunately I had errands to do on McCurtain Street, although this meant I could buy a Coffee in the cafe ‘Cork Coffee Roasters’, which is a Café I would highly recommend. On my return, a decision was made to rest and I decided not to write out a blog. We spent the evening in having Pizza and waiting for Prison Break and Desperate Housewives to come on the Telly… But at 2100 hrs, we discovered that Prison Break was not on, Victoria Beckham: Coming to America was on instead, which made us feel a lot worse.
The following day meant a change of T-Shirt. Now I know I mentioned in a previous blog that I will talk about my Charlie Brown T-Shirt and anyone reading it will probably wonder why would you need to explain a T-shirt to us? Well I’ll explain and hopefully that will answer that question for you. Last Thanksgiving, I went to America to spend time with my In-Laws and wife’s family. Before I went, a question was asked if I would provide some idea’s regarding gifts I might like at Christmas, and I made a suggestion of a Charlie Brown Zig-Zag T-shirt due to my Love of all Things Peanuts. When asked by, her family, ‘Why would Paul want a Charlie Brown T-Shirt?’ her response was, ‘I have no idea, maybe he wants to wear it for his performances?’ When she informed me of this conversation, I replied, ‘No, it’s because Charlie Brown is Cool.’ But then I thought what a great idea… So anyone who has seen me perform comedy, poetry or song at the end of last year and all of this year, will have seen me wearing my Charlie Brown T-Shirt… Now that may be good for the occasional Comedy night or the occasional reading, but if I was to do that for the Children’s Book festival eventually the T-Shirt will get up and do the performance itself… So I needed a change of T-Shirt in Cork so that I can wear it in Monaghan. Although I do believe it is rather fetching, do you?
The two readings today were in Fermoy and Mitchelstown again both went exceptionally well. In Fermoy a mixed class danced along to ‘New Shoes Blues’ and ‘Joe the Wriggly Rock’N’Roll star’, The Poetry was also enjoyed and I received many enquiries as to where my poetry can be purchased. I also got many interesting questions, including, ‘Why does Helium make your voice go Squeaky?’ I had no idea.
The next class were all Girl’s who all wanted my autograph at the end. I got many great compliments including various requests to go on X-Factor. When I tried to explain that Simon and Louis would not agree with them and besides I do not like queuing, they informed me that they are sure I would do well.
So I felt really good, and tired, as I was taken to the train Station to get the train, and this is where I am now… I’ll write from Monaghan.
I write this whilst travelling from Cork to Dublin, it is written the old fashioned pen and paper way… I hope to have this typed up on Saturday, but I will not promise…
When I get to Dublin I will travel up to the final County I will be performing in, Monaghan.
I hoped to write a blog after every day, but tiredness became me too much last night, so part three of my festival blog will encompass 2 days of performing and one of travelling.
Anyone reading this far will have the impression that that I have been experiencing new things during this festival… Well this blog will document a wonderful trip of familiarity as well as new experiences. This is my fourth year doing the Children’s Book Festival and there has been one constant through each four, County Cork which is where I’ve just been.
Travelling down on Monday afternoon taking a journey I’d taken many times. Arriving at a B&B We had stayed in for the last two years. In the evening, my wife and I walked down the familiar St Patrick’s Street, over to the familiar Oliver Plunkett Street to go to a favourite restaurant of Ours, The Indian Palace. Both me and Daria love Cork, it is where we both lived when we first met, in fact it is where we first met…
Even the first library visited was a Library I had performed in before, Charleville… When the girls arrived, I asked them if they had encountered me before and the response was 100% negative. I deduced from this that I was either so boring they’d forgotten me, or that it was a different class I read to before, I will chose to believe the Latter.
I do feel sorry for people who come to this blog hoping to find a disastrous and humiliating experience for me, because I am sorry to report that it was another successful performance. I was a bit worried about the reading due to the doom and gloom predicted by Ryan Tubridy and his guests on his Radio show that was on in the car on the way down. I was questioning myself, whether I can be funny, knowing that Brian Lenihan might be putting a tax on it later…
Luckily it didn’t affect me and I even got a joke out of it, when I read a poem called ‘Christmas in July’ I ask if anyone can tell me when Christmas day is, a young girl responded with, ‘25th December just around the corner.’ I then responded with, ‘Well that depends on whether Mr Lenihan decides to cancel it in his budget.’ This statement was met with horrified gasps and even a call for industrial action on the pupils side…
Again, Comment sheets were not used during the reading, but many of the children informed me that an enjoyable time was had by them.l
The next Library was Millstreet Library where again, Poetry, Jollity and Rock’N’Roll combined in a wonderful way. This class was all boys who really enjoyed the football section, and again requests were made to me to write poems for other football teams. One of the teachers is a Tottenham fan, so hopefully he appreciated it to. I included a Q+A session again at the end, which soon descended into a joke telling session which was fun.
It was an exceptionally tired Poet and Wife that arrived back in Cork City, in fact neither of us felt good at all and we realised rest was the best thing for us. Unfortunately I had errands to do on McCurtain Street, although this meant I could buy a Coffee in the cafe ‘Cork Coffee Roasters’, which is a Café I would highly recommend. On my return, a decision was made to rest and I decided not to write out a blog. We spent the evening in having Pizza and waiting for Prison Break and Desperate Housewives to come on the Telly… But at 2100 hrs, we discovered that Prison Break was not on, Victoria Beckham: Coming to America was on instead, which made us feel a lot worse.
The following day meant a change of T-Shirt. Now I know I mentioned in a previous blog that I will talk about my Charlie Brown T-Shirt and anyone reading it will probably wonder why would you need to explain a T-shirt to us? Well I’ll explain and hopefully that will answer that question for you. Last Thanksgiving, I went to America to spend time with my In-Laws and wife’s family. Before I went, a question was asked if I would provide some idea’s regarding gifts I might like at Christmas, and I made a suggestion of a Charlie Brown Zig-Zag T-shirt due to my Love of all Things Peanuts. When asked by, her family, ‘Why would Paul want a Charlie Brown T-Shirt?’ her response was, ‘I have no idea, maybe he wants to wear it for his performances?’ When she informed me of this conversation, I replied, ‘No, it’s because Charlie Brown is Cool.’ But then I thought what a great idea… So anyone who has seen me perform comedy, poetry or song at the end of last year and all of this year, will have seen me wearing my Charlie Brown T-Shirt… Now that may be good for the occasional Comedy night or the occasional reading, but if I was to do that for the Children’s Book festival eventually the T-Shirt will get up and do the performance itself… So I needed a change of T-Shirt in Cork so that I can wear it in Monaghan. Although I do believe it is rather fetching, do you?
The two readings today were in Fermoy and Mitchelstown again both went exceptionally well. In Fermoy a mixed class danced along to ‘New Shoes Blues’ and ‘Joe the Wriggly Rock’N’Roll star’, The Poetry was also enjoyed and I received many enquiries as to where my poetry can be purchased. I also got many interesting questions, including, ‘Why does Helium make your voice go Squeaky?’ I had no idea.
The next class were all Girl’s who all wanted my autograph at the end. I got many great compliments including various requests to go on X-Factor. When I tried to explain that Simon and Louis would not agree with them and besides I do not like queuing, they informed me that they are sure I would do well.
So I felt really good, and tired, as I was taken to the train Station to get the train, and this is where I am now… I’ll write from Monaghan.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Children's Book Festival 2008 Part 2
Day 2 Kilkenny Libraries
Myself and my wife, made our way down to Kilkenny in an evening trip that consisted of Luas, Train and Taxi. It was a tired Poet and his wife that sat on the train.
We dined on the train as we knew I was going to be in no mood to go around searching a city we’ve never been to before for food. Included in this were two bananas which seemed to obsess a man on our train who had had about three cans of Bulmers…
’Have you any Banana’s for us?’ he constantly asked us despite constant negative responses… ‘I want a Banana…’ He repeatedly said.
He got off the train at Carlow and I resolved never to eat a Banana on the train again, it always seemed like an innocent pastime…
We were staying at a guest house called Fanad House, which I will strongly recommend… Lovely nights sleep and even lovelier breakfast with Delayed Coffee.
Brenda from Kilkenny Libraries, picked us up early in the morning and we then were taken to Loughboy Libraries…
47 Children, all of the male gender, came to hear my poems and songs at this library… I think it went exceptionally well… I say think, because due to only having 45 minutes each session and the size of the group I was unable to have the comment sheets filled out during the session so my wife gave them to the teachers and was asked to have them filled out when they got back to school… I thought this was a good idea and I did it for the next sessions as well. Certainly some of the Children told me it went well.
The fact that I am a Tottenham fan and I have to announce this during my football section was met with much amusement due to us being bottom of the premiership, also I was asked to sing songs about many other teams, but I have to say in this blog, that will not be happening.
When I entered the Library I was met with a wonderful display in my honour and this can be seen below.
After the reading, we had the a quick Coffee and some soda bread before we were driven too Graiguenamanagh library, and again I read to a group of Boy’s which I can, again, only assume went well. During the Limerick section, I had a queue of Boys wanting my autograph, which obviously pleased me. With this session and the Baldoyle Library reading, I have started to have a Q & A session afterwards, they go well, I think I’ll keep it in.
After this reading, we were taken by the Librarians to a nice, again recommended if anyone is in Graiguenamanagh, coffee shop/café called The Coffee High.
The next group re-balanced the gender audience as they were all girls and again a wonderful reading was had… There was an enquiry as to whether my stuff can be viewed on youtube, and I responded in the positive. After the reading a couple of Girls stayed behind in the library to look at the internet and I saw that they were on youtube, I was hoping they were looking up my stuff, but it was actually the Jonas Brothers, oh well.
Graiguenamanagh is a lovely town, and after the reading my wife went to photograph the river, whilst I wet to an Antiquarian Book Store in the town.
We decided to stay in Kilkenny an extra night as neither myself or my wife had been there, and we ended up having a wonderful time visiting the castle and also I had my first taste of tapas at a lovely tapas restaurant (again recommended) called Grapevine… We left Kilkenny deciding we are definitely going back in the near future…
Myself and my wife, made our way down to Kilkenny in an evening trip that consisted of Luas, Train and Taxi. It was a tired Poet and his wife that sat on the train.
We dined on the train as we knew I was going to be in no mood to go around searching a city we’ve never been to before for food. Included in this were two bananas which seemed to obsess a man on our train who had had about three cans of Bulmers…
’Have you any Banana’s for us?’ he constantly asked us despite constant negative responses… ‘I want a Banana…’ He repeatedly said.
He got off the train at Carlow and I resolved never to eat a Banana on the train again, it always seemed like an innocent pastime…
We were staying at a guest house called Fanad House, which I will strongly recommend… Lovely nights sleep and even lovelier breakfast with Delayed Coffee.
Brenda from Kilkenny Libraries, picked us up early in the morning and we then were taken to Loughboy Libraries…
47 Children, all of the male gender, came to hear my poems and songs at this library… I think it went exceptionally well… I say think, because due to only having 45 minutes each session and the size of the group I was unable to have the comment sheets filled out during the session so my wife gave them to the teachers and was asked to have them filled out when they got back to school… I thought this was a good idea and I did it for the next sessions as well. Certainly some of the Children told me it went well.
The fact that I am a Tottenham fan and I have to announce this during my football section was met with much amusement due to us being bottom of the premiership, also I was asked to sing songs about many other teams, but I have to say in this blog, that will not be happening.
When I entered the Library I was met with a wonderful display in my honour and this can be seen below.
After the reading, we had the a quick Coffee and some soda bread before we were driven too Graiguenamanagh library, and again I read to a group of Boy’s which I can, again, only assume went well. During the Limerick section, I had a queue of Boys wanting my autograph, which obviously pleased me. With this session and the Baldoyle Library reading, I have started to have a Q & A session afterwards, they go well, I think I’ll keep it in.
After this reading, we were taken by the Librarians to a nice, again recommended if anyone is in Graiguenamanagh, coffee shop/café called The Coffee High.
The next group re-balanced the gender audience as they were all girls and again a wonderful reading was had… There was an enquiry as to whether my stuff can be viewed on youtube, and I responded in the positive. After the reading a couple of Girls stayed behind in the library to look at the internet and I saw that they were on youtube, I was hoping they were looking up my stuff, but it was actually the Jonas Brothers, oh well.
Graiguenamanagh is a lovely town, and after the reading my wife went to photograph the river, whilst I wet to an Antiquarian Book Store in the town.
We decided to stay in Kilkenny an extra night as neither myself or my wife had been there, and we ended up having a wonderful time visiting the castle and also I had my first taste of tapas at a lovely tapas restaurant (again recommended) called Grapevine… We left Kilkenny deciding we are definitely going back in the near future…
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Children’s Book Festival 2008 part one
Day 1 – Fingal Libraries
Our Cafetierre got broken last week…
Bear with me, it is relevant.
Without our Cafetierre, I have been starting each day with instant coffee. Now I do not believe I become a real poet until I’ve had my morning coffee. The students, teachers, librarians I read to, probably think I wake up rhyming, but no…
The question should be though, am I any less of a poet if I start the day with an instant coffee rather than a filtered one? (Also the question should be if the opposite of instant is delayed, how come filtered coffee is not called delayed coffee?)
This question would be answered today as I start my run in the Children’s Book festival 2008 in my resident county of Fingal, therefore I not in a B&B, I am at home for breakfast and I start my day with an instant coffee. Getting the 0820hrs dart from Howth, I arrive at Malahide at around 0900hrs for my first reading at 1000hrs.
Now although I have lived in Fingal since May this year, I must admit, with some shame, I had never ventured over to Malahide, therefore I have no idea where the library is, but I must commend Malahide town planners for 2 reasons:
1) There is a town map at the station showing the library,
2) There is an insomnia coffee shop outside the library.
So it was to Insomnia I went for a coffee, maybe I did not need to worry about the instant coffee question. (Although I maintain the first coffee is the most important.)
After Coffee, I enter the library and set up my stuff…
A group of 25 kids enter at 10 and I start with ‘The Coat-hanger song’. This seems goes down well and is confirmed by positive comments received at the end. I then start to read my poetry. I must be more nervous then normal, as the teacher announces that she’s enjoying my poetry but I am reading a bit fast. I slow down, but the nerves still get me as I mess up a few chords of my song, ‘mis-spelt football team blues’, but apart from this everything else goes well, especially my blues song, ‘New Shoes Blues’, which receives wonderful comments.
During the Limerick section the teacher tells me she is very impressed and even hints at wanting to purchase a collection of my verse.
At the end of the session the comments received were exceptionally positive… Even my hair and Charlie Brown T-Shirt (More on that in a later blog) received praise.
After Malahide, I get a bus to Baldoyle Library 1.5 hours early, I store my stuff at the library and go to a pub called Graingers for a Paul Tubb approved breakfast with a delayed Coffee.
I go back to the Library and pretty soon a class of girls arrive and I immediately mess up the start of ‘The Coat-Hanger Song’ I apologise and then say, ‘Let’s all pretend that didn’t happen.’ This gets a couple of giggles, and for the next hour I do not put a foot wrong.
This time there is no hint, the teacher actually asks to purchase my poetry as does a girl in the front row.
During the Limerick session I am surprised to find out that Louis Walsh, the grown man who gets an inappropriate amount of pleasure making young girls cry, writes Limericks… I also got the impression that the girls were fond of him, so I will refrain from giving my opinion of him.
Also, although I received totally positive comments from the Girls, a couple of girls did say that I should not sing my Blues Song… I imagine this is what Louis Walsh would say, in fact I can imagine singing this to Louis and Simon, who respond with, ‘John Lee Hooker? You are more like TJ Hooker…’ Oh well, I was not planning on queing up 4 the X-Factor anyway.
Also in the Comments, one girl did write, in response to the question, ‘What would you like to see at the next reading?’ That they’d like to see fashion and make-up tips. Believe me I am no Brendan Courtney, I will be of little use in this department…
Honestly, Mothers of Ireland, would you like your daughters receiving fashion advice from this man?
So all in all an exceptionally positive day. As I write this, the old-Fashioned way with a pen and paper as I intend to type this up later, in a café in the CHQ whilst I wait for my wife. I feel pleased with the way things have gone today, and also pleased my wife will be accompanying me tonight to Kilkenny, for my next set of readings… Looking forward to it immensely.
Our Cafetierre got broken last week…
Bear with me, it is relevant.
Without our Cafetierre, I have been starting each day with instant coffee. Now I do not believe I become a real poet until I’ve had my morning coffee. The students, teachers, librarians I read to, probably think I wake up rhyming, but no…
The question should be though, am I any less of a poet if I start the day with an instant coffee rather than a filtered one? (Also the question should be if the opposite of instant is delayed, how come filtered coffee is not called delayed coffee?)
This question would be answered today as I start my run in the Children’s Book festival 2008 in my resident county of Fingal, therefore I not in a B&B, I am at home for breakfast and I start my day with an instant coffee. Getting the 0820hrs dart from Howth, I arrive at Malahide at around 0900hrs for my first reading at 1000hrs.
Now although I have lived in Fingal since May this year, I must admit, with some shame, I had never ventured over to Malahide, therefore I have no idea where the library is, but I must commend Malahide town planners for 2 reasons:
1) There is a town map at the station showing the library,
2) There is an insomnia coffee shop outside the library.
So it was to Insomnia I went for a coffee, maybe I did not need to worry about the instant coffee question. (Although I maintain the first coffee is the most important.)
After Coffee, I enter the library and set up my stuff…
A group of 25 kids enter at 10 and I start with ‘The Coat-hanger song’. This seems goes down well and is confirmed by positive comments received at the end. I then start to read my poetry. I must be more nervous then normal, as the teacher announces that she’s enjoying my poetry but I am reading a bit fast. I slow down, but the nerves still get me as I mess up a few chords of my song, ‘mis-spelt football team blues’, but apart from this everything else goes well, especially my blues song, ‘New Shoes Blues’, which receives wonderful comments.
During the Limerick section the teacher tells me she is very impressed and even hints at wanting to purchase a collection of my verse.
At the end of the session the comments received were exceptionally positive… Even my hair and Charlie Brown T-Shirt (More on that in a later blog) received praise.
After Malahide, I get a bus to Baldoyle Library 1.5 hours early, I store my stuff at the library and go to a pub called Graingers for a Paul Tubb approved breakfast with a delayed Coffee.
I go back to the Library and pretty soon a class of girls arrive and I immediately mess up the start of ‘The Coat-Hanger Song’ I apologise and then say, ‘Let’s all pretend that didn’t happen.’ This gets a couple of giggles, and for the next hour I do not put a foot wrong.
This time there is no hint, the teacher actually asks to purchase my poetry as does a girl in the front row.
During the Limerick session I am surprised to find out that Louis Walsh, the grown man who gets an inappropriate amount of pleasure making young girls cry, writes Limericks… I also got the impression that the girls were fond of him, so I will refrain from giving my opinion of him.
Also, although I received totally positive comments from the Girls, a couple of girls did say that I should not sing my Blues Song… I imagine this is what Louis Walsh would say, in fact I can imagine singing this to Louis and Simon, who respond with, ‘John Lee Hooker? You are more like TJ Hooker…’ Oh well, I was not planning on queing up 4 the X-Factor anyway.
Also in the Comments, one girl did write, in response to the question, ‘What would you like to see at the next reading?’ That they’d like to see fashion and make-up tips. Believe me I am no Brendan Courtney, I will be of little use in this department…
Honestly, Mothers of Ireland, would you like your daughters receiving fashion advice from this man?
So all in all an exceptionally positive day. As I write this, the old-Fashioned way with a pen and paper as I intend to type this up later, in a café in the CHQ whilst I wait for my wife. I feel pleased with the way things have gone today, and also pleased my wife will be accompanying me tonight to Kilkenny, for my next set of readings… Looking forward to it immensely.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
My Dentist
A bit of Poetic Humour for you...
My Dentist
My Dentist was in a boyband
Before he studied teeth
And, believe me, now he’s a dentist
It really is a relief.
You see the boyband he was in
We’re one of the worst around
A review described them as Awful,
With a really horrible sound.
Whenever they’d perform live
You’d hear the audience say
“Please stop them someone, someone please
Make the noise go away.”
They realised this and they split up
And he went off to train
To be a dentist where he
Produces a lot less pain.
So everyone’s pleased he’s no longer
A member of that boyband
As he’s a lot less feared now
Even when he has a drill in his hand.
My Dentist
My Dentist was in a boyband
Before he studied teeth
And, believe me, now he’s a dentist
It really is a relief.
You see the boyband he was in
We’re one of the worst around
A review described them as Awful,
With a really horrible sound.
Whenever they’d perform live
You’d hear the audience say
“Please stop them someone, someone please
Make the noise go away.”
They realised this and they split up
And he went off to train
To be a dentist where he
Produces a lot less pain.
So everyone’s pleased he’s no longer
A member of that boyband
As he’s a lot less feared now
Even when he has a drill in his hand.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Rhyme Is Dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!
According to many students and writers of poetry Rhyme is Dead... So be it...
Rhyme is Dead!!!!!
Oh my God! Can it be true?
Rhyme is dead, it’s gone, it’s through.
It’s a useless skill, for one to possess
It’s not big it’s not clever, it doesn’t impress.
It’s stupid, pointless, childish word-play
So sterile and so totally passé
And the people who write or read rhymed verse
Should be ignored, or even worse,
As they’re unbelievably out of touch
They really should be tattooed as such
Across their foreheads and paraded through
The streets of a major city or two,
So serious poets can shout ‘Unclean.
Your verse has no place in our poetry scene’
Until finally the message gets through,
They’ll define your poetry for you.
Rhyme is Dead!!!!!
Oh my God! Can it be true?
Rhyme is dead, it’s gone, it’s through.
It’s a useless skill, for one to possess
It’s not big it’s not clever, it doesn’t impress.
It’s stupid, pointless, childish word-play
So sterile and so totally passé
And the people who write or read rhymed verse
Should be ignored, or even worse,
As they’re unbelievably out of touch
They really should be tattooed as such
Across their foreheads and paraded through
The streets of a major city or two,
So serious poets can shout ‘Unclean.
Your verse has no place in our poetry scene’
Until finally the message gets through,
They’ll define your poetry for you.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Poetry Now Festival
Had an exceptionally wonderful Poetry Now Festival, if anyone is interested, even if you aren't it was still a success. A very different experience to other festivals I've done. I was on a bill, it was in a theatre, I was required to attend a sound-check ½ an hour before my performance.
Myself and George Szirtes read to around 300 extremely well-behaved 8-11 year olds who asked questions and were exceptionally enthusiastic… Overall it was fantastic seeing so many Children into poetry and enjoying the experience… Comments were made on this subject by the many festival organisers and the whole programme, lasting weeks, was put together by Children's Author Lucinda Jacob, who did a wonderful job… My poems about football went down really well, although not the fact that I support Tottenham Hotspur...
On the first night we got there, we joined all the other poets and the various organisers, judges etc, for a wonderful pre-arranged dinner, talking with poets and thinkers, I felt quite out of place, but the food was nice. Then we attended Ruth Padel giving the keynote address regarding the importance of the tussle between thought and sound that is the heart of a poem.
My reading was the following day in the morning, and afterwards I was feeling exceptionally good, that not even certain attitudes of some panel members in the live debate, 'Who reads Poetry Anyway' could depress me. There were some unfortunate attitudes about young people not being important in the future of Poetry amongst other things…
We had our second poetic ensemble meal at the GastroPub on Friday afternoon… It was a very pleasant experience apart from the fact that Cork born poet Bernard O'Donoghue kept pinching my wife's chips…
The Festival ended for me by seeing Seamus Heaney and CD Wright read, Smoking a Cigar and chatting to various people in the bar, Sleeping, eating breakfast and then leaving the hotel and cursing the fact that we weren't staying for the Saturday and Sunday to see more readings/events.
The festival was a wonderful experience where myself and my wife met many wonderful people and was topped off with a wonderful reading to the Children…
Of course the Panel aren't the only people to be dismissive of poetry for Young people, The Irish Times, who are associated with the event, had an article on Thursday about the festival without any mention of the Children's reading. Maybe the Journalist, Fiona McCann, felt poetry for Children, especially comic/nonsense verse, was beneath her to mention… Who knows?
Myself and George Szirtes read to around 300 extremely well-behaved 8-11 year olds who asked questions and were exceptionally enthusiastic… Overall it was fantastic seeing so many Children into poetry and enjoying the experience… Comments were made on this subject by the many festival organisers and the whole programme, lasting weeks, was put together by Children's Author Lucinda Jacob, who did a wonderful job… My poems about football went down really well, although not the fact that I support Tottenham Hotspur...
On the first night we got there, we joined all the other poets and the various organisers, judges etc, for a wonderful pre-arranged dinner, talking with poets and thinkers, I felt quite out of place, but the food was nice. Then we attended Ruth Padel giving the keynote address regarding the importance of the tussle between thought and sound that is the heart of a poem.
My reading was the following day in the morning, and afterwards I was feeling exceptionally good, that not even certain attitudes of some panel members in the live debate, 'Who reads Poetry Anyway' could depress me. There were some unfortunate attitudes about young people not being important in the future of Poetry amongst other things…
We had our second poetic ensemble meal at the GastroPub on Friday afternoon… It was a very pleasant experience apart from the fact that Cork born poet Bernard O'Donoghue kept pinching my wife's chips…
The Festival ended for me by seeing Seamus Heaney and CD Wright read, Smoking a Cigar and chatting to various people in the bar, Sleeping, eating breakfast and then leaving the hotel and cursing the fact that we weren't staying for the Saturday and Sunday to see more readings/events.
The festival was a wonderful experience where myself and my wife met many wonderful people and was topped off with a wonderful reading to the Children…
Of course the Panel aren't the only people to be dismissive of poetry for Young people, The Irish Times, who are associated with the event, had an article on Thursday about the festival without any mention of the Children's reading. Maybe the Journalist, Fiona McCann, felt poetry for Children, especially comic/nonsense verse, was beneath her to mention… Who knows?
Friday, March 28, 2008
Poetry Now
Friday 4th April 2008, is the day that I will be doing my reading as part of the DLR Poetry Now Festival (www.poetrynow.ie). That’s right, it’s getting closer and I have been looking forward to it since I found out about it in January…
Therefore there is something ironic about the title of the festival… It is indicated within the title that the Poetry should be straight away… Right Now… no waiting… yet I have been looking forward to this for almost three months now and my anticipation has been getting higher and higher…
As my life is one long search for irony, I have decided that I am going to commemorate this in verse and present it to the Children I read to as part of the festival… I will put it as part of my blog when this has been achieved…
For the time being I will leave you with the following poem…
Miniature Melanie from Melton Mowbray
Miniature Melanie from Melton Mowbray
May have been small but she could really play
A mean game of football. She played in the park
With her friends, Michael, Matthew and her brother Mark.
More and More people came to join in,
But they’d get upset as her team always did win.
And they couldn’t believe that this small female
Showed such great skill that they all did fail
To take the ball off her, she just couldn’t be caught,
If she was in danger, as a last resort,
She could run through their legs, due to her size
And she’d be away before her opponent would realise.
But the fact that her team was always triumphant
Didn’t always work out the way Melanie did want
Sometimes no one would turn up at all
And all she wanted to do was to play football.
So she goes home and is upset,
But she has a plan that she uses to get
The boy’s playing football with her again,
She plays really badly on purpose and then
They are all happy and after a while
Melanie decides it’s time to turn on the style.
She plays really well and it always does seem
That the best team to play for is Melanie’s team.
But the other team soon get fed-up of losing,
So not playing football’s the decision they are choosing.
So Melanie play’s badly again and I think it’s a shame
That she has to do this just too get a game.
Therefore there is something ironic about the title of the festival… It is indicated within the title that the Poetry should be straight away… Right Now… no waiting… yet I have been looking forward to this for almost three months now and my anticipation has been getting higher and higher…
As my life is one long search for irony, I have decided that I am going to commemorate this in verse and present it to the Children I read to as part of the festival… I will put it as part of my blog when this has been achieved…
For the time being I will leave you with the following poem…
Miniature Melanie from Melton Mowbray
Miniature Melanie from Melton Mowbray
May have been small but she could really play
A mean game of football. She played in the park
With her friends, Michael, Matthew and her brother Mark.
More and More people came to join in,
But they’d get upset as her team always did win.
And they couldn’t believe that this small female
Showed such great skill that they all did fail
To take the ball off her, she just couldn’t be caught,
If she was in danger, as a last resort,
She could run through their legs, due to her size
And she’d be away before her opponent would realise.
But the fact that her team was always triumphant
Didn’t always work out the way Melanie did want
Sometimes no one would turn up at all
And all she wanted to do was to play football.
So she goes home and is upset,
But she has a plan that she uses to get
The boy’s playing football with her again,
She plays really badly on purpose and then
They are all happy and after a while
Melanie decides it’s time to turn on the style.
She plays really well and it always does seem
That the best team to play for is Melanie’s team.
But the other team soon get fed-up of losing,
So not playing football’s the decision they are choosing.
So Melanie play’s badly again and I think it’s a shame
That she has to do this just too get a game.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
A poetic example
An example of the sort of work I write poetically...
Raining In The Library
How on Earth can this possibly be?
It’s raining in the Library.
How can this be happening?
Whoever heard of such a thing?
It shouldn’t rain when you’re indoors,
But in this Library it pours.
Now all the books they will be wet
And the readers will be so upset.
Who would have thought that you would be needing
An umbrella when you came in to do some reading?
I don’t know how this is, to tell you the truth,
Maybe there’s a hole in the roof.
I really, really can’t explain,
Why in this Library it does rain.
Maybe it’s my imagination.
Maybe that’s the only explanation.
But until I’m sure the rain has stopped.
Under the table is the position I will adopt.
Raining In The Library
How on Earth can this possibly be?
It’s raining in the Library.
How can this be happening?
Whoever heard of such a thing?
It shouldn’t rain when you’re indoors,
But in this Library it pours.
Now all the books they will be wet
And the readers will be so upset.
Who would have thought that you would be needing
An umbrella when you came in to do some reading?
I don’t know how this is, to tell you the truth,
Maybe there’s a hole in the roof.
I really, really can’t explain,
Why in this Library it does rain.
Maybe it’s my imagination.
Maybe that’s the only explanation.
But until I’m sure the rain has stopped.
Under the table is the position I will adopt.
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